


Then I Look At You

by Ragged_Tiger



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: F/M, Humor, Love, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragged_Tiger/pseuds/Ragged_Tiger
Summary: Peter’s face arranged into a look of amazement. Was she serious, right now? Lara Jean uncrossed and crossed her arms again, a sign she was getting annoyed and self-conscious about something she said that confused him. She rarely felt uneasy about their difference in experience any more, especially at the clip they were closing the gap, but it still happened sometimes, often when it seemed like she didn’t understand something basic. Peter could see the beginnings of frustration and decided he should say something, but he couldn’t get over how dense she could be.______________________________Lara Jean thinks she goes unnoticed. In a kitchen between cookies and kisses Peter disabuses her of that notion.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 68
Kudos: 267





	1. Chapter 1

Lara Jean was on her knees straddling Peter, flattened against his chest. His head leaned against the back of the couch, her face above his. One of her hands held the back of his neck, her fingers finding their way into the collar of his shirt, while the other hand slipped into his hair. She fisted the curls on top of his head to keep him still while she delivered slow deep kisses that made him groan and press her even harder against him. She felt his hand slip up the back of her shirt, the other holding her thigh so tight she was sure he left an imprint on her skin through her jeans. She would never get used to the feel of his hands on her skin, the way one hand could almost span her entire back, the way some of his fingers would curl around her neck to fit them both. She didn’t dare sit down into his lap. She knew what awaited her there and had only recently found out how good it felt. No. Just a few more kisses and then back to studying. 

Yes, studying. They had to. That’s why they were at her house - Kitty was at Brielle’s, books were out and ready to go. Except... In the two months since they reunited, studying together had come to a near standstill, the practicalities of education no match for the never-ending need to have lips and hands on each other all the time. They were thrilled to be reconciled - no lies, no expectations, no Gen, no John, no barriers between them for the first time. They were delirious with happiness and what was homework compared to expressing that euphoria as much as possible. 

Lara Jean’s chemistry book was abandoned on the floor and it suddenly struck her as hysterical that she couldn’t keep off her boyfriend long enough to learn the last 20 elements on the periodic table. She pulled back a little giggling against his lips. Peter opened his eyes and slowly smiled and then laughed, reading her mind. They laughed at themselves, at the situation, at the fact that love indeed tried it’s hardest to make you stupid. 

She sighed cupping his face and gave him one final kiss before swinging her leg over to remove herself from his arms. Peter whimpered at the sudden loss of warmth and soft skin. His body followed hers until Lara Jean was laying on her back on the couch with Peter hovering above her. 

“Peter,” she exhaled an exasperated laugh. “Stop.” 

“Stop what?” he asked innocently, though the sly smile he couldn’t contain gave him away. 

“We have to study,” she said pressing her hands against his chest in a futile attempt to keep him away. “Did you know I got a B on my Lit quiz? I’ve never gotten a B in English in my life.” 

Peter was very proud of himself for not rolling his eyes because it would not have gone over well. He knew how important school and grades were to his brilliant girlfriend. She had made them important to him too, but right now she was lying underneath him, gorgeous, supple and smelling so fucking mouthwatering, he was having a hard time giving a damn. 

“And have you completed your history project,” she asked, turning her face away when he tried to kiss her. “You know, the one due next week?” 

He wrinkled his forehead annoyed at having his kisses thwarted.

“Peter.” 

He shrugged. 

“I mean, I’ve started it,” he replied sheepishly. 

“See?” She gave him a pleading look. “Now be a good boy and let me up.” 

“I’m trying to be a good boy,” he murmured in her ear, before settling his weight between her legs. She couldn’t help the low moan of pleasure that escaped her and it pleased him to no end. 

“Peter Kavinsky,” she tried to be stern but with little conviction. 

“Just one more kiss, Covey,” he said, his voice low and seductive, “then I promise you can help me with my history project.” 

She smirked at him and he grinned at her, biting his bottom lip. Lara Jean had to admit, she loved being with him this way, trapped in a cage of his body, his scent and his affection. Peter was always so full of energy, always moving, always happy, always flirtatious. In quieter moments, to have all that joyous frenetic sensual energy compacted and directed at her, felt like electric currents under her skin. She ran her thumb across his lip easing his teeth away. Peter kissed her thumb before it moved to stroke gently at his jaw. He tilted his head slightly into her touch and the light hit his face just right making the amber in his eyes glow. She gasped quietly as her fingers traced his features. 

“How are you this beautiful?” she asked seriously, like it was an important question that really needed an answer. 

He stared at her for a long moment, his golden gaze softening. Finally, his top lip curled in a teasing way. 

“You keep saying shit like that and I’m never getting off you.” 

She returned his teasing smile before removing her hand from his face and holding it out. 

“Give me your phone.” 

Peter gave her his Lara Jean look, the perplexed look that was one part puzzled and one part adoring. 

“Why?” 

“Will you just trust me,” she goaded him with his own words. He gave her another long look.

“No,” he finally answered. 

Her eyes blew open wide. 

“What do you mean, no??” 

“It’s like this, Covey,” he said trying to look serious and failing. “When I say that to you, it’s for some reason that will make us both happy.” 

“Taking a vain selfie of yourself made me happy?” 

“You love that picture,” he raised his eyebrows, daring her to deny it. She couldn’t because she did. She loved the picture from the minute he made it her background all those months ago. His face broke into a big grin at her silence. 

She crossed her arms in the tiny space between them. She would have put her hands on her hips if she could. 

“On the other hand,” Peter continued, “when you say that to me, I know it won’t be for a reason I’m gonna like.” 

Lara Jean gave him a look as imperious as she could manage while trying not to laugh. 

“How about this, Peter,” she replied sweetly. “If you want anymore kisses ever, hand me your phone.” 

He squinted his eyes at her, before grumbling to himself as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. She grabbed it and scrolled before typing something. She turned the phone around to face him. It was the timer set for five minutes. 

“Five minutes of kissing and then NOTHING, but school work.” 

“What did I tell you,” he mumbled petulantly. “Never a reason I’m gonna like.” 

She tapped start on his phone before setting it down on the floor and wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“You’re wasting time, Kavinsky.” 

He smiled at her, shaking his head before lowering his face to hers as the countdown continued.

* * *

  
Truth be told, they weren’t much better at school. They walked down the hallway hand in hand, chattering away, heart-eyes on full display. Whenever possible Peter wanted her within arms reach and she readily complied. She usually hated PDAs, but he was so loving and unrelenting, she would give in, disappearing with him into their cuddly little bubble even in a crowd. 

Peter tried his best to be good, he really did, but she LOVED him. She loved him a lot. She was so happy, how was he not supposed to touch her or kiss her, pulling some of that happiness from her lips and sharing it back and forth. 

He tried to stick to the basics - holding her hand, an arm around her waist or shoulder. But when he held her hand, he couldn’t help bringing it to his lips, kissing the back or the inside of her wrist. If Lara Jean scraped her nails gently across his cheek when he kissed the palm of her hand, well, he would pull her giggling into an empty classroom because who could blame him. 

Before Peter wrapped his arm around her shoulder, his hand would slide beneath the fall of her hair, massaging gentle circles at the nape of her neck. She would always shiver and snuggle closer to him, making him sigh with pleasure and earning her a kiss on the forehead. When his arm finally settled on her shoulder, her hand would automatically reach up to entwine their fingers together. 

He knew he was playing with fire wrapping his arm around her waist, but he couldn’t help himself. His finger tips would tickle at her side then move down to blatantly graze across her ass a few times before settling into the back pocket of her jeans. That move always earned a side-eye from her. Lara Jean would turn to look up at him, but Peter kept his eyes straight ahead, a smile spreading across his face. 

Dropping her off at class was different. Lara Jean was the one who leaned into him, her small hands grasping the front of his shirt. She would give him a soft kiss before releasing him and turning to enter her classroom. Or at least she tried, but as she turned Peter would reel her back, an are-you-kidding-me look on his face. He would thread his fingers through her hair and cover her lips with his again. He discretely swept his tongue into her mouth just long enough to taste her before pulling back. Lara Jean would look at him dazedly, a reaction that was his life’s mission now. 

“I’ll see you after class,” he’d whisper before turning without another word and heading down the hall. It wasn’t until Peter had to turn down a corridor to get to his own class that he would look back, knowing Lara Jean would still be watching him. She always did, arms crossed, giving him this look like he was simultaneously endearing and infuriating. He’d wink at her and give her his best grin. She’d answer with a shake of her head and an eye-roll before bouncing into the classroom and into her seat, like a bright, cheerful ball of joy.

Lara Jean paid no attention to the whispering that would start the moment she took her seat. She ignored the catcalls that followed her and Peter, from his friends most often. She didn’t care about the vicious looks she got from girls - girls who couldn’t believe she dated Peter in the first place, girls who were annoyed that he rebuffed their advances when he and Lara Jean were broken up, girls who were now doubly annoyed that the two were back together. 

Nope, she didn’t give any of it a second thought - she was too content. Her hyperactive mind was calm. Lara Jean was at peace for the first time with the scrutiny always directed at Peter and by extension directed at her. She had gotten everything she ever wanted with the boy she hadn’t known she wanted and was confident he felt the same. All the noise surrounding them was just static that was unable to penetrate her mind where Disney birds had taken up residence chirping a merry song. 

The attention wasn’t all bad. She would get sweet smiles from other girls, who would tell her how adorable she and Peter were together. They were quiet, bookish girls like Lara Jean who were elated to see one of their own not only snag the hottest guy in school, but tame him into doting submission. She also got hellos and invitations to hang out from Peter’s friends on the girls soccer and lax teams. Even Peter’s boys despite the taunting were only slightly less excited than Peter that they were back together.

“I don’t care what you say,” Trevor puffed out his chest. “My kicks are fire.”

They were at the lockers between classes. Trevor, Gabe, Darrell and a few of Peter’s other friends were standing with Peter and Lara Jean as the boys took turns taking jabs at Trevor’s new shoes. 

“Look at all those colors,” Darrell gestured downward, “They look like a fucking Pride parade.”

“I’m an ally,” Trevor said indignantly, “And these are limited edition.”

“Yeah, they obviously limited them for a reason,” Gabe shook his head.

Trevor looked over at Lara Jean. “Come on LJ, you’re my girl. I’m finessing the fuck out of these, right?”

Lara Jean looked down at his feet. She took in the bright purple, yellow and blue.

“Well,” she said looking back up at Trevor. “I think you’re too big.”

He blinked at her

“My shoes are too big?”

“No, YOU are too big.”

Trevor looked confused as did everyone else.

“What do you mean?” he asked. “Too big for what?”

“Too big to fit in the clown car you would have to drive to go with those shoes.”

Everyone erupted with laughter. Trevor gasped, clutching his chest. He mouthed “Ouch” at Lara Jean and she laughed, sticking her tongue out at him. Peter, who was laughing as hard as everyone else, glanced over at Gabe who was smiling at Lara Jean in the fondest way.

Watching his friends take to Lara Jean felt like a weight lifted off of Peter’s shoulders. No more walking a tightrope between friends and a girlfriend who openly disliked each other. Lara Jean charmed his friends easily, didn’t mind them being around and in turn they adored her, Gabe in particular. If Gabe wasn’t so deeply loyal to him, Peter might be worried.

“You can’t ever break up with him again, Large,” Gabe said when everyone had settled down and the group had shrunk to Peter’s closest friends. He opened his locker to put his books away. “Sad Peter is the worst.” 

“The WORST,” Trevor agreed. “Like some sad kicked puppy.” 

Peter leaned back against a locker giving Trevor a twisted smile, then turned it on Lara Jean when she chuckled. 

“Except Sad Peter makes you want to kick him even harder,” Darryl joined in, tipping his head at Peter. 

“‘Look at me everybody. I’m so fucking gloomy,’” Trevor said making an exaggerated depressed face. 

Peter just shook his head, his tongue poking out his cheek when Lara Jean cracked up.

“LJ, we beg you,” Trevor continued, bending down to her height. He put his hands together in prayer, clearly on a roll now. “Come see us before you cut him loose again so we can talk you out of it.” 

“Or at least so we can prepare,” Darryl nodded. “Psych ourselves up, maybe do some breathing exercises for patience.”

“Yeah, so we can meditate or some shit,” Gabe needled, closing his locker and leaning next to Peter. “Sad Peter is an entire mood.” 

Lara Jean continued to laugh as Peter’s eyes traveled from friend to friend, their faces unapologetic and delighted. Trevor looked particularly happy that the teasing was now aimed at Peter. 

“Aww,” soothed Lara Jean tapping Peter’s cheek. Without making a sound, Peter pushed off the locker, took her hand and led a tittering Lara Jean away, but not before flipping off his friends over his shoulder. Peter could hear them laughing behind him. 

“So, you were a mood,” Lara Jean grinned as they navigated their way through the main hall. 

Peter glanced down at her, a begrudging smile on his face. 

She was holding his hand and reached over to grab his upper arm with her other hand. 

“I’m sorry you were so sad,” she said poking out her bottom lip playfully. 

Peter was quiet as they walked before looking down at her more fully. 

“I was miserable,” he said softly, his face contemplative. His eyes looked like he wasn’t just remembering that he was miserable, but also remembering how it felt. 

And just like that, she sobered. They talked a lot about their relationship when they were figuring things out. They talked about all the things that got in their way - cataloguing them, fixing them, apologizing for hurting each other, but they never really talked about how they felt when they were apart. She had been devastated and could barely get out of bed, but that misery seemed so far away now. She hoped it did for him too. She hoped there was no residual sorrow and that he wasn’t still harboring any of those feelings. 

Lara Jean came to a stop forcing him to stop as well. She walked in front of him, turning around to face him, much to the annoyance of other students who were now forced to weave around them. She held both his hands. 

“But, you’re happy now, right?” she asked just as softly. Her old friend doubt crept into her voice, insecurity trying to convince her, despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary, she had been on a cloud by herself. Her face was now as serious as his. 

Peter smiled again, that tender creamy-eyed smile he reserved just for her. He took her face in his hands.

“Ecstatic.” 

She didn’t realize that she let out a breath she was holding, but he caught it. He caressed her face with his thumbs until she smiled back. She grabbed his hand and started pulling him quickly down the hallway. 

“Where are we going?” Peter asked with a surprised laugh. 

This time she was the one that pulled him laughing into an empty classroom.

Serious moments notwithstanding, Lara Jean loved when Peter was teased, either by her or other people. His “ha ha, very funny” and “so over it” looks were hilarious. But she really shouldn’t laugh at him when his friends were taking the piss. Her friends were no better. Often, they were even worse. 

“So I guess Kavinsky shredded that V-card, huh?” Chris asked in true Chris fashion one afternoon. She and Lara Jean were hanging out with Lucas in the abandoned art room while he finished a painting. 

“Chris!” Lara Jean cried out nearly choking on the soda Chris brought them from Subway. 

“Don’t Chris me. I’m serious,” she scolded, pretzeling her legs on the sculpting table. “We know you had romantic first time fantasies running through your head, but you two can’t keep your hands off each other.” 

“We’ve known you almost your entire life, LJ,” Lucas added, putting his paintbrush down, grabbing his soda and joining them. “We know how you feel about PDA. Now all of a sudden if Kavinsky’s tongue isn’t in your mouth, his hand is on your ass.” 

Lara Jean looked back and forth between Chris and Lucas. She loved them both and she wanted to share, but this was all so new to her. Her constant desire for Peter, the feelings of love that overwhelmed her - she could barely process them herself let alone articulate them to her best friends. 

“Can’t we just be happy to be back together?” Lara Jean asked flustered. “Can’t we just be in love without all the other...” 

“No,” Chris and Lucas said at the same time. 

Lara Jean huffed holding out carefully wrapped brownies she made the night before for Lucas to grab. She was perched on another table opposite Chris, legs hanging off the end. Lucas reached over and grabbed two brownies from Lara Jean’s hands giving one to Chris.

“Did you even make it through that first weekend before he pinned you good?” Chris asked unwrapping her brownie and shoving half of it in her mouth. 

Lara Jean gave Chris a dismissive look, though she blushed just the same. 

“We’re not having sex.” 

Chris and Lucas looked at each other, sipping their sodas in unison before turning back to Lara Jean. 

“Sure,” Chris said, raising an eyebrow and leaning back on her hands.

“We totally believe you,” Lucas said, totally not believing her. 

“We aren’t,” Lara Jean all but bellowed. She leaned toward Lucas with a napkin in one hand, her other hand open. Lucas took the napkin and put his now empty wrapper on Lara Jean’s palm. It tickled him that no matter how irritated she was with them she was still thoughtful and conscious of littering. 

“Well, there is no way you’re not doing something with that hot piece,” Chris declared, sitting back up and tossing her wrapper to Lara Jean who missed it. Chris snickered at her complete lack of coordination. 

Lara Jean gave Chris a frustrated look, both for her nosiness and her ridicule. She turned to Lucas. 

“I agree with Chris,” he nodded. “If it was me, I would have bent over in a matter of minutes.” 

“Lucas.” 

“What?” he shrugged, crossing his legs at the ankles and leaning against Chris’s table. “Your boy is fine.” 

Lara Jean knew she was beet red and also knew there was nothing she could do about it. 

“What kind of action are you getting?” Chris grinned with satisfaction. 

Lara Jean looked down, the floor beneath her dangling feet suddenly interesting. “I’m not talking about this,” she mumbled. Studying the floor intently she missed the look Chris and Lucas exchanged.

“What’s going on LJ? You're bashful, but not this bashful.” 

Lara Jean looked to the left and Chris was leaning on her forearms looking up at her, eyes concerned. She felt the soothing ghost of fingers running up and down her right arm before they took her hand. She looked to the other side and Lucas was watching her, his face relaxed and caring. Lara Jean gave him a small smile. On a dime if they sensed she needed it, Chris and Lucas would stop their raucous behavior and focus on her. Her friends had created a blueprint for an attentive boyfriend. They had set her expectations without her realizing.

“It’s like I can’t stop thinking about him.” Lara Jean said to Lucas before her eyes slid over to Chris.

“He’s Peter Kavinsky,” Chris smiled at her. “He’s pretty easy to think about.”

“It’s more than that,” Lara Jean shook her head slightly. “What I really can’t stop thinking about is touching him or especially him touching me. It’s just…,” she paused. “I guess I didn’t think I’d want him this much. I want him all the time.”

“And that’s bad, why?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I had all these ideas about waiting and how old I should be and what having sex would mean.”

“But?” Lucas prompted. 

Lara Jean turned to him. “But when I’m with Peter none of those ideas seem right. They feel so easy to dismiss.”

“And that intimacy scares you?” Chris said, turning to lean on her elbows.

“Honestly, no. When we’re together all I feel is safe and loved. I never feel scared and THAT is what scares me. Not the intimacy, but how easy it would be.”

They were quiet for a moment. “Well, I think…,” but Lara Jean cut Chris off.

“It's like I’m at war with myself,” she started at full speed, “and there’s a big battle and I don’t want a battle and who would win anyway and who do I want to win and what if I choose the wrong person and is that even possible since they’re both me and since they’re both me I can’t call off the battle but then I’m back to not knowing what to do and everything stays muddled and confusing and...”

“OK, let’s pull it back,” Lucas broke through, squeezing Lara Jean’s hand tight. 

Chris laughed and Lara Jean looked down, trying not to smile. They heard the bell go off.

“The three of us, my house, tomorrow night,” Chris smiled at them both. “We’re going to unmuddle some of this.” 

“But, Peter and I...”

“No. No, Peter,” Chris interrupted. “Kavinsky can find something else to do. He’ll just have to jerk off to that chick that looks like you on Babes.com.” 

“Oh my god,” Lara Jean covered her face with her hands. After a beat she uncovered her eyes. “There’s a porn star that looks like me?” 

Both Chris and Lucas cackled. 

“I hate you both so much,” Lara Jean pouted, slapping Lucas’ hand away from the rest of the brownies. 

Chris grabbed her crossbody bag.

“If you don’t want him getting off to your porn twin, you could just send him a nude,” she said. “That would solve the problem of him missing you when you’re hanging with your besties.” 

“Right now I’m not sure I have besties,” Lara Jean grumbled. 

“Or have you already sent him nudes?” Lucas asked conspiratorially, ignoring her comment. 

“Please stop,” Lara Jean said holding up her hand. 

Chris and Lucas laughed again before he kissed Lara Jean on her right cheek and Chris kissed her left.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
Text books, notebooks and laptops were spread out on the dining room table. Lara Jean was proud of the progress they had made in the past hour, even if Peter was dramatically ignoring her. Every time she looked over to see how he was progressing, he would move his notebook away so she couldn’t see. Finally, she sat back in her chair crossing her arms. 

“You’re a big baby, you know that?” she asked, biting back a smile. He grunted in reply, turning his body further away from her. 

She let out a breathy laugh. Peter was still mad at her for stopping their fun and forcing him to study. He was crafty and managed to prolong their make out with a little trickery. He distracted her with his tongue and teeth on her neck, while reaching down to reset the timer, her mind too upside-down to realize how much time had gone by. She finally caught on after the second reset. The next time he shifted his weight, she slipped out from under him onto the rug rolling away giggling. He lunged for her, but she was too quick, darting away before he could grab hold. She laughed triumphantly, standing a good distance away from where he sat on the floor. Peter looked up at her with the most pitiful, woe-is-me look on his face. He was so adorable it took all of her willpower not to go to him and kiss him all over his face.

“Well,” she said getting up from the table, “I’m ready for a snack. I think I’ll have some of those caramel cookies I baked for my sweet talkative boyfriend.” She moved toward the kitchen. “I’m not sure where he went, so I guess I’ll just have to eat them by myself.” 

She went to the fridge and pulled out the milk. She poured herself a glass and tried not to smile when the sound of Peter’s pen moving across paper stopped. She turned her back and reached across the counter for the Tupperware of cookies before returning to the island. She heard the sound of a chair being pushed back and the soft approaching sound of rustling clothing. 

“I’m not NOT talking to you,” he murmured behind her. Lara Jean turned around to see him leaning against the sink. 

“I’m sorry what was that?” she asked, cupping her ear. “I can’t hear you over the deafening silence of the last hour.” 

“I’m talking.” He grabbed hold of the sink behind him and looked shamefaced down at the floor. 

She moved away to grab a plate, turning away from him again when she returned. “See, it’s like this Kavinsky,” she said, taking out six cookies and putting them on the plate. “I’m only nice to people who are nice to me.” 

She pretended to busy herself with the cookies, but she could sense him getting closer as his shadow started to take shape over her. 

“I was trying to be nice to you.” She could feel his breath on her hair. “Real nice.” 

She felt his fingers hook into the belt loops of her jeans. He let go when she turned around and looked up at him. He looked at her with apologetic eyes, though she could clearly see the mischievous glint in them. 

“I’m really sorry,” he said, his face now in full puppy dog.”

“Yeah, sure,” she crossed her arms. “You just want my cookies.” 

Peter raised an eyebrow and a grin spread across his face. He placed his hands on the counter on either side of her and leaned down until their faces were close together. 

“More than anything in the fucking world,” he said in that low register that made her weak, his eyes looking intensely into hers. 

Her eyes got big and her cheeks pinked in the prettiest way. Peter watched the blush spread down her neck to the chest her scoop-neck t-shirt did little to conceal. His eyes lingered there, all the ways he wanted to feel her up running through his head. She spun around nervously, forcing him to drop his hands and stand up straight. She turned back to face him with the plate of cookies in her hands. 

“How about we start with caramel cookies,” she squeaked, “and we can work our way up to my other cookies.” 

Peter licked his lips and watched her eyes move to his mouth. He grinned at her again, loving reminders of how he affected her. He took a cookie off the plate and saluted her with it. 

“Deal.” 

  
“Can I ask you something?” she asked, now perched on the island, the cookies long devoured. Peter’s back was to her as he washed the plate and the glasses. 

He looked over his shoulder with a smile. He was used to her continuous inquiry. Peter loved how easily she would ask him anything, how she trusted him to answer honestly. Of all the things he loved about her, that she was a nosy-parker was probably his favorite. 

“Fire away,” he said, turning back to his task. 

There was a pause. He couldn’t see her nervously playing with the hem of her sweater. 

“Why are you still like that around Josh?” 

He stilled. He knew what she was asking and why she was asking. Josh had been outside when they pulled up to her house after school. He walked over as they were making their way up the walkway to give Lara Jean back some nerd encyclopedia on Harry Potter. Josh was nice enough, acknowledging Peter with a smile and a head nod. But then he and Lara Jean started talking about horcrosses and Death Snitches or some shit. They got really into it, not being purposely rude and excluding Peter, but they were excited, hands flailing and laughter spouting over things he didn’t understand. 

But Peter also noticed what she never did when Josh was around her. Josh’s whole being lit up when he was talking to her. He was incandescent from the inside, his eyes gleeful and eager as he looked at her. Watching her chatter away with the boy she thought she once loved, who Peter was certain had loved her back, proved to be too much. So Peter did what all irrationally jealous boyfriends do and became irrationally touchy-feely. He took her hand, his thumb gently caressing the back. Then he put his arm around her and played with her hair. Then he pulled her into him and kissed the side of her head. She stiffened for a second before sinking against his side. Her conversation with Josh dried up pretty quickly after that. 

Josh rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, glancing back and forth between Peter and Lara Jean before thanking her again for letting him borrow the book. She gave him a big smile though her cheeks had colored slightly with embarrassment. Josh looked Peter in the eye, straight and direct before nodding again and walking back to his house. Peter watched Josh go, trying to decipher that look, every decryption key he would come up with only serving to piss him off. When he finally looked down at Lara Jean, she was already looking up at him, an inscrutable expression on her face. 

Now as she sat on the counter behind him, he was sure if he turned around Lara Jean would have the same look on her face. He dried his hands, stalling as he gathered his thoughts. Finally he turned around, bracing himself for that opaque expression, but it wasn’t there. Her face was warm and curious and surprisingly concerned. For him. He had been an ass and she was worried about his feelings. In that moment he was astonished by her kindness. His chest was warm with love for her, while his stomach churned for not deserving it. 

“Because I’m a jealous asshole,” he shrugged, his eyes soft and contrite. She tilted her head adorably to the side slightly, the way she did when she was parsing something confusing. 

“But Josh is one of the reasons I went to you at the field, remember? He pushed me to go talk to you the first time we broke up.”

“No,” Peter shook his head. “There has never been mutual breaking up. It was the first time you broke up with me.”

She looked away for a moment, before her eyes fixed on his. 

“I had reasons both times.” She held his gaze until a smile had settled at the corners of his mouth. He nodded.

“You did.”

She nodded back, trying to curb her own smile.

“Josh was still on your side,” Lara Jean pressed.

“I know. That’s why I’m a petty asshole, but the way he looks at you...” Peter shook his head again. “You don’t look at someone like that unless you still have strong feelings for them. Believe me I know.” 

“But that’s nothing,” she said, worrying the hem of her sweater again, not really meeting his eyes. “It’s residual from the letter and he’s a bit unmoored after getting over Margot.”

So she did notice the way he looked at her. Not completely thick after all. Peter was quiet until she looked back up at him. He watched her carefully, eyes concentrating a little too hard like he was deciding something. He let out a breath as he reached behind him to grab the sink again. 

“I need you to promise not to get mad.” 

“O. . . K?”

“Fight Club, Covey.” 

“I promise,” she said sitting up a little straighter, her face serious. 

He chewed on the corner of his lip still apprehensive. Her eyebrows scrunched together. She was really curious now and a little anxious. He let out a huff of breath before looking her in the eye. 

“Have you ever considered that Josh was with Margot because you were unavailable?”

Lara Jean frowned immediately. She was right to feel uneasy. She didn’t want to hear this at all. This was too close to Josh saying if he had known back before he and Margot started about Lara Jean’s feelings and Lara Jean cutting him off. Her sister was not something you rethought or erased. Peter watched her face pinch into that expression he knew telegraphed her anger. Shit. 

“Are you saying my sister was Josh’s backup?” she asked, her face coloring. She looked at him intently and although there was a lot in her eyes he couldn’t quite figure out, he knew she was thinking about the hot tub. He let go of the edge of the sink, his shoulders slumping a bit. Though untrue, Lara Jean knew what it felt like to believe she was not the only one and a part of Peter would always hate himself for making her feel that way. 

“You think Josh chose my sister because he couldn’t have me,” the tone of her voice appalled by the idea her sister would ever be thought second best to anyone let alone her. 

“No!” Peter said quickly, holding up a hand. “Your sister is not a consolation prize. Boys don’t choose Covey girls. Covey girls choose boys.” 

Her face was still confused, but relaxed a fraction, a bit mollified by what he said. She crossed her arms waiting for him to continue. He had that look of concentration on his face again. She could tell he was trying to work out his words carefully not wanting to hurt or anger her further. Her brow relaxed a bit more. 

“Just tell me,” she said patiently. His eyes settled on hers again and he looked grateful for her indulgence. He leaned back against the sink, crossing his arms. 

“Margot was a bit of a legend at school,” he started. “I mean you know that, right?” 

Lara Jean knew Margot was a straight A student and popular in the different clubs. The teachers loved her. She was beautiful so the popular girls were always trying to make her part of their clique. She was magnanimous with everyone but also very private. She had this mysterious allure. And except for Shane Arceneaux who was accepted at the Sorbonne, Margot was the only other student in their school to get into a prestigious university abroad. 

“Margot was good at school - socially, academically, all of it,” Lara Jean said softly, her fingers playing nervously along that hem again. Margot’s ability to tackle high school so easily always made Lara Jean hyper-aware of how difficult it was to find her own place there. 

She didn’t notice Peter move closer. It was only when his large hands covered her tiny ones to stop their busy work that she looked up. His expression was loving with a little bit of worry around the edges, like he knew what she was thinking. Lara Jean marveled at what close attention he paid to her as if he wanted to be aware at all times what she was feeling in case he needed to brighten her mood. She took one of his hands in both of hers and held it to her cheek for a second. 

“Go ahead,” she nodded, letting go of his hand. Peter ran his hand over her shoulder before backing up against the sink again. 

“The seniors on the team used to talk about her all the time - how gorgeous she was, how nice. She tutored Finn O’Connor so he wouldn’t go on academic probation and lose his spot.” 

“I remember that. She had to stop tutoring when Kitty started swimming.” 

Peter nodded. He looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet. 

“They would also talk about how mature she was and kinda bossy and how sexy that was.” Peter was still looking at the floor and Lara Jen thought it was cute that he was embarrassed talking about Margot being sexy. She had to admit, it was a little strange to talk about her sister that way. It was like having a secret even though she kept no secrets from Margot. 

“Wanting to touch her hair was a big topic of conversation.” Peter lifted his head a fraction and looked up at Lara Jean through his lashes. 

“That Song-Covey hair will fuck you up.” 

When Lara Jean flushed and bit back a smile, he lifted his head and grinned at her. When they were making out and she was laying on top of him, kissing him, her hair would fall over his face and arms. The feather soft feel of it tickling his skin sent tingles through this whole body. It felt so good he wanted to drown in it. Peter started to wonder what her hair would feel like on other parts of his body or wrapped around his fist. Maybe that was something they would work up to. 

His eyes drifted down to her lips and he licked his own. He looked back at her and his eyes were now darker than before he looked at her mouth. She smiled at him fully, her cheeks flaming more brightly. 

“Finish telling me first,” she said, her face settling into a scold. 

He sighed, expression serious, his eyes a promise of what was coming second. 

“So your teammates wanted to bang my sister,” Lara Jean said, trying to reign in another smile. 

He just kept looking at her. 

“Peter!” 

He sighed again, conceding for the moment. 

“Not just the team. Most guys at school. She could have had any guy she wanted. When she chose Josh, initially everyone was surprised. People figured she would pick like a sophisticated foreign exchange student or someone in student government going to Princeton.” 

Lara Jean remembered when Chris found out about Josh and Margot. Chris was really sweet with her, intuiting that Lara Jean had an infatuation. But she was also baffled by the relationship. Now Lara Jean realized it was not only because people didn’t know Josh was a great guy, but also because her sister was a hot commodity. 

“You said initially.” Lara Jean tilted her head the other way. 

“Yeah, but then it kinda made sense. Everyone knew Margot was really busy and had a lot of responsibility at home.” He paused before saying, “Because of your Mom.” 

Peter’s eyes were so compassionate when he said the last four words. She smiled softly at him.

“So the boy next door made sense,” he continued. “It made things easier for Margot and they seemed happy, although Josh always seemed a little more intense than she did.” 

Lara Jean thought about how easy it was for Margot to break up with Josh and how she never talked about him the way she talked about Ravi. 

Lara Jean’s eyes widened as she looked at Peter. How had this never occurred to her? She knew Margot loved Josh, but it was a polite kind of love. This should have been so obvious to her. Margot definitely would give up a better match to take care of the family. 

“Because you liked him, Covey.” Her eyes, having drifted away, focused back on Peter. 

“It’s hard to see around the hurt,” he said gently. Her eyes became so tender at his words. He always understood so deeply and with such clarity, it used to terrify her. He just got her. Her beautiful perceptive boy. 

“I love you,” she said. 

His face bloomed into his most gorgeous smile.

“Then take me upstairs and rain your hair on me,” he said, a sinful look animating his face. 

She let out the sweet airy giggle Peter loved so much. 

“But what does all that have to do with me,” she pivoted back to the conversation. 

“Come on, Covey,” Peter cocked his head to the side. “It was obvious the guy liked you, but you just seemed so oblivious to it. Then Margot decided on him and no one is going to turn down Margot Covey.” 

That surprised look returned and her eyes drifted off again. She didn’t know she liked Josh back then, but she never realized he may have liked her. 

“You never do.” She looked back and Peter was grinning again. Great, she thought. She must have mumbled what she was thinking. “Lots of guys liked you and you never realized it.” 

She crossed her arms, smirking at him. 

“I love how you like to rewrite history and make me some sort of desirable entity, but believe me the boys at school were not noticing me.” 

Peter reared back looking at her like she said something crazy. 

“Fine,” Lara Jean rolled her eyes, “Maybe you’re right about Josh and, yeah, Carlos asked me out. That’s hardly a cross section of the student body.” 

Peter’s face arranged into a look of amazement. Was she serious, right now? Lara Jean uncrossed and crossed her arms again, a sign she was getting annoyed and self-conscious about something she said that confused him. She rarely felt uneasy about their difference in experience any more, especially at the clip they were closing the gap, but it still happened sometimes, often when it seemed like she didn’t understand something basic. Peter could see the beginnings of frustration and decided he should say something, but he couldn’t get over how _dense_ she could be. 

“Covey, have you ever looked in a mirror?” 

She lifted her chin, not smiling. OK, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to ask. 

“Lara Jean, you’re gorgeous,” he tried again. “You’re a fucking dream.” 

She gave him the most charming, hesitant smile and damn, he was so hooked on her. 

“Says my sweet boyfriend who loves me.” 

He shook his head. “No, you’re objectively smoking hot, objectively admired and discussed.” 

She looked at him like she was still skeptical, like she couldn’t wrap her head around getting that much attention. Peter shook his head again. This girl. 

“Alright,” he said, holding out his hands. “Do you need me to break it down for you?” 

She didn’t say anything, but her confusion now contained a hint of amusement. OK, let’s go then. 

“Well, first, that body is a walking fantasy.” Peter’s eyes ran over her as he crossed his arms again. Lara Jean looked down at herself and blushed again, making him chuckle. 

“Those legs. That ass I can’t keep my hands off.” She looked at him like she was very aware of that issue. He chuckled again. 

“Especially, um...” he rubbed the back of his neck, “you, uh... I mean, you can’t... they’re like RIGHT there...” 

Her face went back to completely confused. 

“You’re stacked, Covey,” he said in a rush, gesturing at her. “You got a lot going on there.” 

“What?” 

“You have big boobs, Lara Jean.”

She sat up straight looking adorably surprised. Her eyes narrowed at him. 

“They are,” he held up his hands defensively. “I’m just stating facts.” 

“I know they are, Peter,” she said crossing her arms over her chest modestly. “Grandma Covey, always says I have her to thank,” she mumbled under her breath. 

Peter laughed and she tried that imperious look again, but it still didn’t quite work. 

“Seriously, though,” his smile lively, “if you think those abundant, billowy clouds of goodness go unnoticed, you’re nuts. Guys are on the verge of death everyday.” 

She could tell by the look on his face he meant because of him. She pulled her lips into her mouth to keep from smiling and indulging his possessiveness. 

“Teenage boys are pervs who like breasts.” She shrugged. “What else is new?” 

Peter jumped up on the counter opposite her. 

“You need more?” He raised an eyebrow. She lifted her chin again, but smiled this time. 

“OK,” he nodded, eyes teasing. “It’s not just the sick body, it’s what you wrap it in.” 

Peter watched her expression. She seemed really curious now so he barreled on. 

“The short skirts and the thigh-hi socks, the short-shorts with the knee socks and those life-ruining boots, the mini dresses with the little white collars that hit every goddamn curve, those strappy shoes you wear with the sheer black tights that make your legs look a mile long - all of it, Covey.” 

She felt the corners of her mouth lifting. 

“But at the same time, nothing is ever overt. It’s like you take prim clothes and dial the sex appeal way the fuck up. I literally have to calm myself every time you walk out of the house.” 

Her face broke out into a smile and he smiled back. She deserved to know she was scorching and he was happy to tell her.

“You may not want to intentionally show your sexiness to the rest of the world,” he continued, “but I think you want to show it to yourself, prove it to yourself. Besides the classroom, the way you dress is one of the few ways you’re really confident. The rest of us just reap the benefits.” He gazed at her in the same assured way he was talking about her. Lara Jean didn’t think she would ever get over the enthralled way he looked at her or how clearly she was understood. 

“Look at what you’re wearing today?” Peter gestured toward her outfit. “Completely covered up, yet sexy AF. Those jeans make your ass look like a masterpiece. The way the front of the t-shirt dips down looks like you’re going to spill out those amazing breasts.” He leaned over like he was peering down her shirt. “Your cropped little sweater hides none of your assets and you have that neon skinny belt wrapped around your waist twice like a total badass 80’s reference.” 

She looked at him surprised. 

“You make me watch all the movies, Covey,” Peter quirked his lips at her. 

She wrinkled her nose in that adorable way of hers and he lost his train of thought for a second. 

“Most of all it’s natural,” he started again after clearing his throat. “It never looks like you’re trying too hard.” He sat up remembering yet another thing about her. “On top of that, you’re one of the smartest girls in school. There’s nothing sexier than a hot nerd.” She giggled at this, causing Peter to give her another radiant smile. 

She remembered how her mom would let them wear whatever they wanted when she was little. The first morning of second grade Lara Jean came out of her room in a rainbow-colored tutu, sparkly leggings and a t-shirt that said “Girls Rock” on it. When her parents saw her, she remembers her Mom arguing in her favor.

_How a child dresses is one of the few forms of individual expression they have, Dan. We shouldn’t stifle that._

_But what if someone hurts her feelings. She’s so sensitive._

_She’s tougher than you think._

Margot’s clothes were always perfect. Demure, but not prudish. Fashionable, but classic, just like her elegant bedroom in shades of white and cream and her perfectly manicured nails. Margot never took a wrong step, not even how she dressed. What a burden it must have been to feel like she had to always be perfect even when no one asked that of her. The perfect daughter. The perfect big sister. The perfect caregiver. No wonder she ran away to Scotland. 

“Covey?” 

Lara Jean snapped back to attention. 

“Sorry,” she muttered awkwardly.

“It’s OK,” Peter smiled trying to reassure her. He was used to her disappearing into her thoughts. Besides loving her, he felt one of his jobs was to ground her, but he never wanted her to feel embarrassed for thinking too much. Peter wished she would always share, but it was important to him that she realized keeping her own council and working through her thoughts was OK.

“I miss my Mom,” she sighed. He nodded, his eyes sympathetic. “And I love my sister so much, but I have so many complicated feelings about her.” Lara Jean shrugged her shoulders like it was all too much to unravel. “Their shadows loom large, I guess.” 

“Nah, that’s you. Believe me, your size isn’t the only reason the guys call you Largie.” 

Peter was looking at her with such affection, he made it easy to believe all the lovely things he said about her. She returned his look of tenderness. 

“So to sum up,” he said, elbow propped up on his knee, his hand cupping his chin, “Those sexy clothes draped over that unreal body, with that silky curtain of hair and that angel face...” he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Believe me, you were noticed.” 

She sat up even straighter, her hands gripping the edge of the counter. She looked astonished, like everything he said was a revelation. Peter would never fully grasp how she couldn’t comprehend the effect she had on people. 

“A bunch of guys liked you,” Peter pulled her focus again, “and wanted to ask you out, but you seemed to really only care about school. You were so assertive in the classroom, again, a big fucking turn-on.” She let out a small laugh on a little puff of air. “But outside the classroom, you only hung out with Chris, your sister and Sanderson. I know you turned down invites to parties and things. It just seemed like you weren’t interested in a relationship and definitely not in hooking up.”

She was listening to him intently.

“I remember Asa Francks used to follow you around like a little puppy. He stopped I guess when he got the message you weren’t interested.” 

“He stopped because I reported him,” Lara Jean muttered.

“You what?” Peter laughed. 

“Well, I didn’t know he wasn’t going to serial murder me,” she sulked. Peter let out a belly laugh, his shoulders shaking. 

“I remember at freshman homecoming Jacob Chang asking you to dance. You told him maybe later and proceeded to spend the whole night dancing with Lucas.” He shook his head. “I mean, when the girl you like chooses to dance with a gay guy all night instead of you, it doesn’t really boost your confidence.”

Lara Jean didn’t know Lucas was gay back then. In retrospect she understood how everyone else knew. It was so obvious, but she had been too preoccupied with liking him. 

“McKenzie used to stare at you all the time. Like all. the. time.” Peter chopped the air with his hand for emphasis. “He was so desperate for you to notice him. I remember one day, he was giving you his best Blue Steel as you came down the hall and you just walked right past him.” Peter shook his finger. “Wait, wait - no, no. Actually, when you neared him, you turned, looked him square in the face, then turned back and kept walking.” 

Peter laughed again. “You were brutal, Covey.” 

Lara Jean frowned. She didn’t mean to be brutal to anyone. 

“I didn’t know that’s what those looks were for.” She lifted her shoulders to her ears. “I thought something was wrong with him.” Peter laughed even louder. 

“When you turned down Carlos, guys just gave up. All the girls liked him. The guys figured if you turned him down, they didn’t have a chance.” Peter jumped off the counter and leaned back against it. “Carlos was so bummed. He still barely talks to me.” Peter grimaced and shrugged. Lara Jean looked down guiltily. 

“I’m really sorry if you’re not friends anymore,” she said looking back up at Peter. “I didn’t mean to make him like me.” She said it so sincerely, so guilessly, he was desperate to lean over and kiss her. 

“Fuck, Carlos,” he said instead, giving her the possessive look she hated that she loved so much. 

Peter stood up straight, sliding his hands into his front pockets. 

“You’re pretty wonderful,” he said softly. “Anyone who spends longer than 10 minutes with you knows that you’re wonderful.” His eyes were as soft as his voice. “You can have anyone you want. I know how lucky I am that you love me. But you’re so full of love, Covey. You’re brimming with it. I know it’s only meant to be friendly, but it’s hard sometimes watching it spill over onto guys I know have a thing for you.” 

She nodded and he was grateful again for her consideration.

“I’m really sorry for being a jealous prick,” he murmured regretfully. “You’re like this curious little jeweled box and when you open it it’s full of the most beautiful, shiny things. I guess I want to keep all the treasure to myself.” 

He was looking at her so earnestly, she melted. She gave him her dimpled Peter smile and he returned it with his Lara Jean grin. He took his hands out of his pockets and moved closer to her. 

“There’s just one thing though,” she said. He stopped a foot from her. 

“Asa, Jacob, McKenzie... how did you know all that?” 

He looked down at the ground shoving his hands back into his pockets. 

“I paid attention,” his eyes lifted to hers shyly. “I know I shouldn’t have, but you’re pretty hard to ignore.” 

Lara Jean stared at him for a long moment, before the corner of her mouth lilted upward. 

“Come here,” she whispered. He moved in front of her, standing between her legs when she opened them for him. One of Peter’s hands moved to her thigh when she wrapped her legs around him, the other traveled to her back pressing her closer. 

“So you noticed?” She draped her arms over his shoulders, her fingers finding their way into the curls she loved. He kissed her softly, before pulling back enough to look her in the eye. 

“Everyday,” he said leaving no doubt. Her hand pulled his head down and her mouth opened to his immediately. He moaned as her tongue slipped along his. Both of his hands now held her hips to keep her legs wrapped around him tightly. Her lips moved to his chin, her teeth scraping along his jaw. She felt her head being pulled back. Peter had wrapped her hair around his hand, forcing her to look up at him. His eyes were like she had never seen them before - hungry. She licked her lips and he glanced down at them. She was looking at him the way she did when she molested him with her eyes across a room. 

“Wanna go up to my room and feel me up?” 

His smile was wicked as he nodded slowly. 

They heard the front door open suddenly and stopped dead.

“Hey, honey, I’m home,” they heard her dad’s voice from the foyer. “My last delivery came early.” 

Peter’s face dropped and hers now looked remorseful. 

“I see Peter’s jeep out front,” Dan carried on. “If there is anything you don’t want to get caught doing, you have until I finish taking off my shoes to wrap it up.”

Peter groaned and slumped against Lara Jean, his head falling against her shoulder. She giggled and rubbed his back.

* * *

Kitty hopped into the front seat of the Jeep and pulled on her seatbelt after handing a confused Peter his daily Yakult. Peter glanced out the passenger window then back at Kitty. 

“Where’s Lara Jean?” he asked, eyebrows knitting together. 

“She told me to tell you she had to take care of something this morning and Dad was dropping her off at school.” 

He continued to look at Kitty puzzled before reaching into the center console and grabbing his phone. 

“Oh my god,” Kitty groaned dramatically, throwing her head back against the seat. “You’re going to see her in like 30 minutes.” 

“Slow your roll” Peter muttered typing into his phone. 

_Everything OK?_

_Yeah yeah. Just have to take care of something._

_You sure?_

_Yes. I’ll fill you in later._

_Covey..._

_Seriously. Go to school. I love you._

He grinned at the last part of her message. It had taken her a while to say it so he was thrilled whenever she did. She also knew it was the one thing she could say to stop his quest for information. 

_I’m crazy in love with you._

“Can we go now, my sister’s sad, obsessed boyfriend?” 

Peter glanced at Kitty and her raised eyebrow as he put his phone back and started the car. 

“You know if they made a movie called Driving Miss Kitty, it’d be a horror film.” 

“Not you too with the old timey references,” Kitty sucked her teeth. “LJ has infected you. I thought you wouldn’t be so easily swayed, Kavinsky. Sad.” Kitty looked at him with fake pity.

Peter nodded slowly, accepting that he was being ridiculed by a 6th grader. Kitty lifted her chin at him and smiled. 

His phone pinged and he took it out of the console again. It was an Instagram notification. He opened it to a boomerang of Lara Jean in her bathrobe, hair messy, sleepy eyes, blowing a kiss. It was unbelievable how darling she was. He read the caption.

**For my boy until I can give him a real one.**

His grin took up his entire face. 

“Chop chop, Kavinsky,” Kitty said, grabbing his phone. She rolled her eyes at the IG post before putting his phone in the console once more. 

Peter shook his head, still smiling. Covey girls, he thought, pulling out onto the street, knowing without doubt that Covey girls were probably his favorite thing in the whole world.

  
  


Peter and some of his teammates were at his locker before the first bell. They were talking about game plays and Peter was trying to convince them the current plays they were running weren’t working. 

“We just have to get Coach on board.” He pulled out his lab book, noticing his last comment was met with silence. “Uh, hello?” 

He looked at his friends, but they weren’t looking at him. They weren’t paying him the slightest bit of attention. He turned to see what was distracting them and froze. Like literally froze, his body petrified as he tried to take in what he was seeing. His girlfriend was walking down the hall towards him, sauntering actually, looking like a fantasy pulled from his head. He swore he was in some teen romcom when the dream girl is walking towards the main character in slow motion. 

His eyes roamed over her and holy shit. She was wearing those hot vintage boots he loved with cream-colored over-the-knee socks drawn up to her lower thigh. She was in a skirt he didn’t recognize, a mini kilt with little leather buckles on the side that Margot sent her in the blue, green and gold tartan of St. Andrews. It was as short as she liked (and he liked and most of the boys and some of the girls at school liked), slitting open slightly at the buckles when she walked, revealing even more thigh. Her sweater with a heart-shaped keyhole, the same cream color as her socks, was not only form fitting, the cutout gave a prodigious view of her cleavage. The way she was holding her backpack straps only brought more attention to it. Her hair was down, held back by two tiny braids and the literal cherry on top, were her bright glossy red lips. He was mesmerized and happy he was wearing one of his longer button-downs as he strained against his jeans. 

She shook her hair out behind her and continued to move gracefully down the hall, either ignoring or unaware of the conversations that stopped and started as she walked by. Her eye finally caught Peter’s. Her bottom lip jutted out slightly, the corner of her mouth raised and he thought he would pass out. 

Peter felt a finger push his chin up, effectively closing his gaping mouth. He looked down and Chris was looking up at him trying hard not to laugh. 

“You OK there big guy?” she asked. When he stared at her dumbly as if she were speaking some alien language, she laughed loudly.

Chris walked past Peter, giving Trevor a suggestive look which he returned enthusiastically, on her way to meet Lara Jean who was stopped by Lucas in the middle of the hall. Lara Jean was turned sideways talking to Lucas and her profile in that sweater was as devastating to Peter as she had looked walking towards him. She glanced over her shoulder and winked at him. He felt light-headed. 

“Damn, bro,” Darryl muttered resting his forearm on Peter’s shoulder, “I mean, congratulations.” Peter shrugged him off annoyed which only made Darryl chuckle. Another teammate walked by letting out a low whistle before giving Peter the OK sign and Peter realized it was going to be a long day thanks to his sexy girlfriend. 

“Hey, Christine,” Lucas nodded smiling as she joined them. “I was just complimenting LJ on releasing her inner vixen. It’s a good look on her, don’t you think?” 

“Shut-up,” Lara Jean said, slapping his arm. 

“Mmhmmm,” Chris agreed, looking pointedly at Lara Jean. “Not so muddled anymore, huh. You might want to give your boy a minute to adjust himself. But that’s the point, isn’t it?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lara Jean said affronted, knowing full well she couldn’t fool her best friends. 

They turned their heads at the same time to look at Peter who was shifting his weight uncomfortably. Lucas and Chris looked at each other giggling, but Lara Jean smiled at Peter finding his befuddled expression sweet. 

“We’re discussing this later,” Chris said drawing her attention away from Peter by leaning in and flicking one of the buckles on Lara Jean’s skirt with her fingers. 

“Yes, we will,” Lucas agreed, giving Lara Jean an all-the-tea-will-be -spilled-at-lunch look. 

“Again, I don’t know what you're talking about.” 

“Whatever you say, hentai school girl,” Lucas smiled, giving her an air kiss. “See ya.” 

He grabbed Chris by the hand and headed down the hallway. 

Lara Jean turned back towards Peter, whose eyes had never left her, and continued her march towards him, the sultry movement of her body even more pronounced. Peter looked like he had stopped breathing. She turned towards his friends as she neared him. 

“Hey,” she smiled at them sweetly. 

“What’s up LJ?” Trevor asked, his voice unusually high. Gabe just kept staring and Darryl blushed, all his bravado gone. She turned her attention back to Peter, stopping so close her boots were between his sneakers. She splayed her hands out against his chest looking up at him. 

“Hi,” she whispered, her focus completely on him. She was giving him that look he loved, the look she gave him for the first time at the hot tub, the look that made him feel more wanted than he had ever felt before. 

“Hi,” he whispered back, his hands moving of their own free will to grasp her hips. It barely registered when Trevor said, “OK, we’re out,” and managed to corral Gabe and Darryl away from them. 

“I see our conversation yesterday had an affect on you,” Peter’s voice vibrated softly as he looked down at her. He ran his hand down the side of her skirt, his fingers brushing the soft skin of her thigh where it ended. 

“I’m surprised your dad let you out of the house like this,” he craned his head to the side, giving her a once-over. “Is this why you’re late? Wanted to make an entrance?” 

She looked at him blankly and he was enchanted by her bad attempt at faking innocence. 

She shrugged finally. “I guess I wanted to see if you’d notice.” 

He licked his bottom lip, teasing HER a bit. “I told you. I always notice.” 

Peter leaned down, murmuring into her ear. “You look so fucking hot. It’s going to be hard to concentrate today because of said hotness and because every guy at school is staring at you also because of said hotness and I’ll probably have to fight somebody by the end of the day.” 

She let out a light giggle which didn’t make things any easier on him. “No need,” she said, resting her chin on his chest looking up at him. 

“It’s all for you. Only you.” 

He tried hard to focus, but the warmth in his chest at her words was immense and distracting. 

“I want to kiss you so badly right now, but I don’t want to mess up your pretty lips,” he said quietly, eyes lowering to her mouth. She waited until his eyes were back on hers and tilted her head to the side. “Then kiss me here,” she said running her finger down the skin right below her ear. 

He exhaled with a rush of air, before cupping her face with one hand and leaning down where she pointed. “You are KILLING me, Covey,” he all but growled into her ear, before pressing his lips gently into the soft indentation of skin. She sighed as her hands fisted the front of his shirt and, yeah, soon his button-down wouldn’t be able to conceal what she was doing to him. He glanced behind her as his lips reluctantly left her neck to see more than a few guys still staring at her. That helped to ease the tightening a bit. One guy whose eyes were trained on the back of her skirt realized too late he was gawking when he felt the full force of Peter’s glare, a glare that promised violence. He quickly scurried away. 

“Hey,” she said, grasping his chin, focusing his attention back on her. “All yours,” she said softly, looking him in the eye. “I love you.” 

“You do realize at some point that’s going to stop working,” he smirked at her. 

“We both know that’s a lie,” she smirked back. 

His smirk turned into a grin.

“You saying I’m whipped, Covey?” 

She pulled him down to her by the front of his shirt. 

“I don’t know. Do you want to be?” 

He bit his bottom lip, shaking his head slowly, wondering who this siren was and feeling smug because whoever she was, she was his. 

“I’m walking you to class right now,” he said, still whispering, his face close to hers, “Because if I don’t, I’m taking you back to your house.” 

She gave him an inviting smile before pressing the tip of her finger to her puckered lips and then pressing it to his. She wiped the remnants of her lipstick away with her thumb and felt him wrap his fingers around her wrist. 

“Your dad gonna be gone all morning?” he asked, his eyes gilded, twinkling and deadly serious, making her want to unwrap his fingers from around her wrist and slide them under her skirt. Instead she let out another cute giggle, which again, not helping, and dragged him toward her class. She heard him let out a whine. 

She turned around walking backwards, her hand holding his. “Can I ask you something?”

He laughed. “You always do. Shoot.” 

“Is there a porn star on Babes.com that looks like me?”

Peter stumbled as his eyes opened wide. 

“What now?” 

“You heard me.” She pulled him to a stop out of the way. 

Peter’s mouth was moving like he was trying to figure out what to say. “I, uh...” he stuttered finally, “Why?” 

She threw him a look like he was slow. “Oh, I don’t know,” she crossed her arms. “I guess I’d like to know if I have a doppelgänger into gang bangs and butt munching.” 

He snorted loudly. “COVEY” he howled, ignoring the looks shot his way. “Butt munching?” he repeated, his voice quieter. 

“Ass eating? I don’t know, Peter.” She put her hands on her hips impatiently. He was full on laughing now and she was trying hard not to. When his laughter finally subsided, she cocked an eyebrow at him. 

“Well?” 

“I may have heard something about it,” he said barely audible as his eyes kept flickering away from hers. 

“You may have heard something about it?” she side-eyed him warily. 

“Yes,” he nodded, raising his shoulders with exaggeration. “Someone might have mentioned it.” 

She gave him a measured appraisal. Sighing, she finally grabbed his hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. They started moving down the hall again. 

“Did you ever masturbate to her?” 

“Jesus, Covey.” He stopped them again, pulled his arm from around her shoulder and looked at her like he couldn’t believe the shit that came out of her mouth. 

“Well, have you?” she demanded. 

“No, Lara Jean.” 

She looked at him dubiously. He smiled, shaking his head. God, he loved this filterless girl. 

“Why would I want an imitation, when I have the real thing?”

She gave him a big bright smile, but just as quickly her eyebrows knitted together again. 

“What about before we got together?” 

His laugh was velvety, while he ran his fingers over the soft skin below her ear where he had kissed her. He looked at her, eyes potent. 

“Covey, I have dozens of images of you saved in my head.” He looked her up and down, taking in her outfit again. “I don’t need anything else to get me off.” 

She pondered what he said before giving him her best smile, chin dimpling like he loved. They started back down the hall again as she pulled his arm over her shoulder once more. 


	2. Just One Look At You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A BFF huddle and a late night visit

She was waiting for Peter in the school parking lot, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. She knew she should have told him already, but he was having such a good day, she didn’t want to ruin it. No getting out of it now.

“LJ!”

She looked up when she heard Lucas’ voice. She saw him with Chris heading to his car. Lara Jean lifted her finger asking for a minute.

Just then she felt strong arms wrap around her from behind. She grabbed on to the arms as she felt soft lips kiss the side of her neck. She turned around, still being held, to see Peter smiling at her, looking as happy as he looked all day. 

“Ready to go?” His eyes were alight with the promise of finally getting her to himself. Damn.

“Well, about that...”

He cocked his head, brows forming a question. She took a deep breath.

“I’m hanging out with Chris and Lucas.” 

She raised her eyebrows and tucked in her lips, that expression she made when she was expecting an unhappy response. 

Peter dropped his arms and gaped at her.

“What?”

“We already made plans yesterday,” she said, her voice apologetic. “I meant to tell you this morning, but you were having such a good day I didn’t want to ruin it.” 

The corners of his mouth turned down. “So you decided to ruin my evening.” 

“Don’t say that,” she frowned, her hand twitching toward his.

“Can’t you hang with them tomorrow?” 

She looked at his pleading eyes and wanted to do what he asked. She always did, but she held firm.

“I’m not going to become one of those girls who cancels plans with friends to be with her boyfriend.”

“Even after said girl has teased said boyfriend all day in the sexiest outfit he’s ever seen and he is FINALLY going to get alone time with her?” he asked, brown eyes challenging.

Her eyes apologized further as she ran her hands from elbow to hands along the silky skin of his forearms to placate him. He crossed his arms forcing her to stop.

His eyes narrowed. “Isn’t there some girlfriend code you’re breaking?”

She tilted her head. “Oh, so now you’re interested in a handbook.”

“There must be some rule that states if the girlfriend teases the boyfriend beyond what is physically and emotionally appropriate, she has to bend to his will for a certain amount of time.” 

She giggled. “Maybe the Neanderthal rule. What am I some object for your entertainment?”

“Uh, YEAH,” he said, face scrunched up adorably like, duh.

“That’s sexist,” she reprimanded.

“That outfit makes me feel hella sexist.” His eyes pleaded again. “You give me this wonderful present and now you won’t let me unwrap it.”

She eyed him side-long. “Who said you get to unwrap it anyway?”

“Maybe not all the way, but I was hoping to at least untie the bow.” His eyes were now begging something else.

She looked up at him, eyes soft and contrite and rubbed his crossed forearms. After a minute the combination of her eyes and soft hands proved too much for him. He unfolded his arms and took hold of her waist. She moved in closer to him and clasped her fingers behind his neck.

“Since I’m going to be with Chris and Lucas...” He pouted which she ignored. “and we’ve determined you won’t be visiting my porn twin to get a vicarious thrill,” she saw the corners of his mouth quirk upward, “it seems like the perfect opportunity to work on your history project.”

He looked down shaking his head, sighing in the most pitiful way. She lifted his chin with her fingers to force him to look at her.

“And if it seems like you’ve made some headway, I’ll let you pull the bow tomorrow.” Her eyes were now begging something else as well.

“But I want to pull the bow now.” His fingers spread as his large hands gripped the entire span of her hips.

“Yes, and we’ve already established you’re a big baby.” She clasped her fingers around her wrist to pull him closer. “Those are my terms Kavinsky. Take them or leave them.”

“Like I would ever leave them,” he mumbled. 

She lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed him. She opened her mouth and felt his tongue dip inside. Just this once, she let him kiss her as deeply as he wanted, ignoring the whistles and claps from other students watching their display. Finally, she pulled back gently. When she opened her eyes, his eyes were still closed, his lips slightly parted. He licked his lips before slowly opening his eyes. He sighed and cradled her face with his hands. 

“That was mean,” he said, giving her a pointed look. She giggled again, relieved to see a smile tugging at his lips. 

“You are far worse than Sad Peter,” he continued. “This, you today, is a mood.”

She pulled him down by the neck to kiss him softly again. “I promise to still be in the mood tomorrow.”

“LJ!” 

She looked over her shoulder to see Chris gesturing impatiently. 

“I’ll call you tonight.” 

She kissed him quickly one last time before releasing him and running towards Lucas’s car. Halfway there she turned around to Peter who was of course watching her. She mouthed “I love you.” He promptly shot her the bird. She laughed, eyes crinkling, dimples flashing before turning back and racing to Chris and Lucas.

* * *

  
  
Lara Jean loved Chris’s house. It was a beautiful glass, wood and steel work of art tucked in the woods surrounding the city. It looked like a tree house, the Douglas firs practically part of the architecture. An entire wall of Chris’s room was a window overlooking a creek. Lara Jean loved to read there, leaning against the glass with a book, while Chris sat underneath headphones.

“Where are Abby and Jack?” Lucas asked, laying down on the plush rug. 

Chris shrugged. “Some ashram in South Asia.”

Lucas noticed the melancholy in her voice and body language and looked over at Lara Jean. Chris’s dad was a computer genius who sold his company for a small fortune and now spent much of his time chasing spirituality with Chris’s mom. They adored Chris and doted on her when they were around which wasn’t very often. They followed one guru after another all around the world leaving Chris to fend for herself. Chris put off a persona of independence and autonomy, but Lara Jean and Lucas knew how sad she could be being left all alone. Lara Jean always wondered if the hurt she experienced freshman year could have been avoided if her parents were around.

“You should spend a few days at my house,” Lara Jean offered. “Kitty is always complaining that you’re cooler than me.

“That’s because Katherine has good taste,” Chris poked at her, but Lara Jean could see that she was grateful. 

“Just go easy on my dad.”

Chris gave her a smile that made no promises.

“Chris, where did you get all this shit?” Lucas pointed to all the junk food currently piled on the floor of her room.

Chris stretched out on the floor like a cat. “Like I’m going to eat any of that vegan shit Abby buys. Besides, we need plenty of sugar fuel as we dissect LJ’s sex life with Peter Kavinksy.”

“Except we are not doing that.” Lara Jean sat down next to Lucas. 

“The fuck we aren’t,” Chris parried. “That’s why we’re here.”

Lara Jean wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m here to hang out with my friends.”

“Do you really think we’re not going to talk about your exhibitionist show at school today?”

“I am not an exhibitionist!”

“Sure, Jan.”

“That’s not what it was about.”

“Do tell because that’s what it looked like it was about.”

“Why do you distill everything down to sex?”

“Welcome to the world, Covey,” Chris replied acerbically, using Peter’s nickname for her. 

“That’s not the world.”

“Yes it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It totally is.”

“Is not!”

“I met someone.” 

The bickering stopped immediately. Lara Jean and Chris froze and stared at Lucas. Just as quickly as the noise stopped, the deluge started, his best friends alternating questions.

“What??”

“When??”

“Where??”

“Who??”

Lucas held up his hands, the universal symbol for stop.

“But…” Lara Jean started, before Lucas put a finger to his lips for silence. 

“You’re so fucking dramatic,” huffed Chris.

Lucas glowered at her. She pretended to stick a key in her mouth and turn it. He batted his eyes at her.

“You know my friend Paul who goes to Stanley Prep?” Lucas started. “I was on a group chat with him and a few of his other friends and Alex, his name is Alex, was one of them.”

Lara Jean had her hands clasped together. She looked ready to burst.

“Later he told Paul he thought I was funny.”

“Really?” Chris couldn’t help herself.

Lucas gave her a withering look and she cheesed at him.

Lucas cleared his throat. “So, he started following me on Insta and I followed back. We started leaving messages on each other’s pages then DMs then texting and then he called me last night and asked me out for coffee.”

“OMG, Lucas,” Lara Jean screeched.

“And you’re just telling us this now?” Chris asked, vexed.

“He only asked last night and I didn’t know LJ was doing slinky cosplay today.” 

“Hey!”

Chris ignored Lara Jean. “I mean any of it.” There was something in her voice. She sounded a little hurt. Lucas heard it and looked at her, his face losing all severity.

“I wasn’t trying to keep it from you,” he said kindly. His gaze fell somewhere between them while he chose his words. “It’s just that I didn’t know what it was at first. I got a vibe, but I wasn’t sure. When you’re a gay teenage boy assumptions can be dangerous.”

Chris and Lara Jean nodded understanding. 

“Paul didn’t tell him you were gay?” Chris asked, appeased.

Lucas tapped his fingers, a nervous habit. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to know. So I wouldn’t be disappointed, just in case.”

“How very Lara Jean.”

Lara Jean squinted her eyes at Chris, then quickly jumped back into exuberance. 

“What’s he look like? Is he cute?” 

“Yeah, sure. Not really my type, but yeah.”

“You have a type?” Chris razzed, her tenderhearted moment long forgotten.

Lucas pitched her another biting look. “It’s well established my type is Michael B. Jordan in Creed.”

“Aim lower,” Chris pitched right back.

Lucas was indignant. “I will not.”

“OK,” Lara Jean intervened. “Future you can date an MBJ, but if not Adonis Creed then...”

Lucas thought about it for a second. “More like Spider-Man.”

“OMG, so cute!”

“LJ, the only Spider-Man you know is Kavinsky in the suit every Halloween.”

He wasn’t wrong. After much nagging Peter had only just gotten her to watch the Marvel movies. They hadn’t made it to Spider-Man.

Chris put her hand over her heart. “I think we need to take a moment of silence and appreciate PK in that form-fitting suit.”

They paused, sitting quietly, looking at each other before busting out laughing.

“OK,” Chris returned to Lucas. “Peter Parker or Miles Morales?”

“Girl, it’s Oregon. Peter Parker.”

Lara Jean looked between them confused, not knowing there was more than one Spider-Man. Chris noticed her face and snorted out a laugh.

“Tom Holland,” she finally said sympathetically.

“Oh,” Lara Jean rallied. “Ahhh, that’s adorable.” Lucas didn’t think Lara Jean had ever been more lovable than her excitement over his sort of date.

“So coffee…” Chris prompted. “Where?”

“At the coffee shop on 6th.”

“I love that place,” Lara Jean exclaimed. “It has all those comfy couches and the Tiffany lamps and the books lining the walls.”

“Nice,” Chris concurred. “Nowhere cheesy like Starbucks or Peet’s. Your choice or his?”

“His.”

Chris reached over and slapped Lucas’s thigh. “Got game.” Lucas tried to temper his tentative elation, but wasn’t fooling them 

“Good, good. And after coffee?”

Lucas played with the laces of his sneakers self-consciously. “If it goes well, then to a movie.”

“Yay!”

Lucas and Chris cracked up at Lara Jean’s enthusiasm.

Lara Jean persevered. “Which movie?”

“We haven’t decided. Maybe the new French film playing at the Meridian.

Chris started snoring, then shook her head rapidly like she was just waking up.

Lucas cut his eyes at her again. “You can keep your gross-out comedies, Chris.”

Chris scooted next to him and threw her arm across his shoulder. “Pay attention, young Padawan. Always go with the horror movie. You get to snuggle close when it gets ominous. You can grab each other during the jump scares. You can hide your face away on his shoulder at the violent parts.”

Lucas had to admit her plan had merit.

“What about a rom com?” Lara Jean offered.

“LJ, we’re trying to create a romantic comedy not watch one.” Chris gave Lucas a wily look. “Or a sex romp.”

Lucas pushed her off him and she rolled away laughing and into Lara Jean.

Lara Jean ruffled her hair. “Make sure you text us after the date.” 

“Fuck that,” Chris said sitting up. “I want hourly updates.”

“My girls will get all the tea.”

Chris pointed at him. “We better.”

Without warning, Lara Jean flung herself at him. She hugged him as tight as she could. When she pulled back she held his face and looked at him with that same beatific smile. Lucas remembered then why he loved her so much. She was good and kind and the happiness of everyone close to her meant more to her than her own. It wasn’t a put-on or a show, she simply loved with her entire heart. They spent too long not being close friends when it was obvious to him they should have been all along. He wanted things to work out with Alex as much for her as for himself. He looked over at Chris knowing she was thinking the same thing. 

Chris rubbed her hands together. “So I think it’s time to move the conversation along to…” 

“Christine and Trevor,” Lara Jean said cheerily.

“That is not what I was going to say.”

“Oh, but it’s what I want to hear.”

Chris turned to Lucas for help, but his smile only read payback. “I’m with Lara Jean. I’m very interested in secret rendezvous’s in the shop room.”

Chris looked at her nails, unbothered. “Nice dick, good stamina.”

Lucas and Lara Jean sat quietly and stared at her. They didn’t say anything, but Chris could tell by their faces they weren’t going to let it go or allow her to deflect with humor or bluster. She tucked her legs under her and appeared to take a calming breath.

“We have a good time,” she projected more to the window than to Lara Jean and Lucas. “It’s easy. He doesn’t ask for too much. He never judges me and he gets all agro with people who do.”

Chris was trying to be nonchalant, but they could tell her energy had shifted. Chris didn’t do vulnerable well. On the outside she was all challenge and steel. Deep inside and easily missed there was an airy nougat center, fragile spun sugar she trusted very few not to damage. It made Lara Jean and Lucas want to guard it at all cost, be shields for her, especially when she felt exposed.

Her eyes fell on Lara Jean. “You got lucky with Peter, LJ. Most high school boys aren’t the protective type. They’re the rumor type.” She shrugged. “It’s nice to have someone look out for me. A boy someone. I’ve never had that. It’s different.”

Lucas and Lara Jean remained quiet, not wanting to spook her into stopping this rare openness. 

“And he’s so fucking happy. Like all the time.” Chris tried hiding a smile. “Remember how bubbly he was about shit when we were kids?”

Lara Jean nodded. She couldn’t remember Trevor ever having a bad day when they were little. 

“Well, he’s still the same jolly mother fucker.” A small private smile set on Chris’s lips despite her best efforts. “I mean, I’m so Dark-sided. It’s cool.” She mumbled the last little bit, looking at her hands. Lara Jean couldn’t remember the last time she saw such softness emanating from Chris. She looked at Lucas and his eyes confirmed it.

Lara Jean’s gaze returned to her best friend who she only ever wanted to see happy. Chris had taken such strides toward it since freshman year. Lara Jean scolded herself for starting to get choked up. “Are you saying Trevor Pike balances you out?”

“Does he complete you?”

Chris looked up. Lucas and Lara Jean were beaming at her. For fuck’s sake. 

“Jeezus. First, you,” she pointed at Lucas, “need to stop watching fucking romcoms with Lara Jean. Second, what I am saying is the sex is good, we have fun and sometimes it’s nice to be around optimism.”

Lara Jean perked up. “I’m optimistic.”

Chris pursed her lips. “Friend, your optimism is like a boomerang. That shit flies right back to the worse case scenario as soon as you throw it out there.”

Lara Jean didn’t take the bait. Instead she leaned over and took Chris’s hand in both of hers. 

“I’m happy for you.” Chris tried to shake her head, but Lara Jean just squeezed her hand, not buying it.

“It’s nice to have another person,” Lucas said. When Chris caught his eye something passed between them. Unlike Lara Jean, Chris was an only child. Lucas’s brother was 12 years older and long gone. Chris’s parents loved her, but were never around. Lucas’s parents loved him, but didn’t really know what to say to their kinda out son. They had each other and Lara Jean, but it could be lonely. Yeah, it was nice to have someone else. Chris held his eyes and lifted her chin. He offered the same recognition.

Chris shook herself all over like she was shaking off sentimentality. “Enough of this sappy shit.” She laid her head in Lara Jean’s lap.

“OK, Lara Jean. No more stalling. Spill.”

Lara Jean played with the hem of her sweater, her tell. “Spill what?”

Lucas sucked his teeth before laying on his stomach, chin propped up on his hands. “You know what. Why are you dressed like an anime private school sex goddess and why are you and Kavinsky being extra porny?”

Lara Jean looked down at Chris then over at Lucas. Their faces were adamant, expressions unwavering, so she sighed and spilled. She told them about her conversation with Peter. She told them everything - about Josh and Margot, all of Peter’s admissions, all of her revelations. When she was done, Chris sat up, grinning at her like a Cheshire Cat.

“So all that sexy boy attention made you feel like starting an Only Fans.”

Lara Jean sneered. “Hardly.” She pulled the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands. “But I feel more confident. It’s like, OK, I have these desires and a boy that really wants me. Why be afraid of that?” 

Chris gave her a proud smile. Lara Jean’s eyes were moving rapidly like she was still processing. “I mean, I don’t know if or when Peter and I will have sex, but I don’t feel conflicted about wanting it anymore.”

Chris was back to grinning. She leaned over and gave Lara Jean a big hug. Sitting back she pretended to wipe away tears. “I’m so proud of you.”

Lara Jean threw a candy wrapper at her. “Shut-up.”

“I’m serious! Sexually liberated Lara Jean is not where I thought this conversation was gonna go.” 

“I’m not sexually liberated,” Lara Jean cleared up immediately. “I’m just more… willing.”

“Yeah, you are.” Chris tried and failed to wink at her. 

Lara Jean made a face and turned to Lucas.

“I’m less… I don’t know.” She looked at Lucas like she hoped he had the answer. 

“Less scared about getting it wrong?”

Lara Jean nodded. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

“Well, I for one can’t wait until you start fucking Kavinsky,” Chris interjected ruining their moment. “I have SO many questions.”

Lara Jean gave Lucas a pleading look. “Please make her stop.”

Lucas laughed. “As if.”

“I still can’t believe you reported poor Asa, though,” Chris continued undeterred.

“He was creepy!” Lara Jean defended. 

“Come on, he was not that creepy. He just had a crush.”

“No, he was kinda head-in-a-box creepy,” Lucas agreed with Lara Jean who held her hand out to Chris like, see, I told you. “I would have reported him too.”

“OK, cops.”

Lucas put a hand to his chest affronted. “We are not cops.” 

“We’re…. crisis-managing intercessors.”

Lara Jean puffed out her chest, happy with her vocabulary choice.

“OK, big-word-for-cops.”

Lucas waved Chris off. “Asa is fine. He got much needed therapy, started dating Mindy Cooper and now they’re like the gamer king and queen of the school.”

Lara Jean nodded enthusiastically though she had no idea about any of that. Chris snorted again.

They took a minute to rummage through the snacks, Chris doing a seated happy-dance over the cookies ‘n cream Pocky Lucas tossed her way. Lara Jean nibbled on chips, a thoughtful expression on her face.

“I still can’t wrap my head around Peter being so observant without anyone knowing,” she said aloud but to herself. She looked at the darkening woods through the window. She let out a soft hmmm before reaching for another chip. When she looked up Lucas was staring at her, a handful of popcorn stopped on its way to his mouth. Chris’s eyebrows were raised all the way up to her hairline, a Pocky sticking out of her mouth.

“What?” Lara Jean looked back and forth between them. 

Chris bit down, crunching loudly. “You mean YOU didn’t know,” she said. Lucas finally put the popcorn in his mouth, but his eyes stayed on Lara Jean. 

Lara Jean reared her head back. “ You guys knew??”

Lucas held a finger up, chewing. “Anyone who was with you all the time like we are would have known,” he said after he swallowed.

“Peter is not that slick,” Chris added. “He may have kept it on the down low with everyone else, but his close friends saw it just like us even if he never confirmed it. Trev and I have talked about it.”

Lara Jean looked at her shocked. “What did Trevor say?”

“His exact words were, ‘It’s about fucking time he locked that shit down. The mooning was riDICulous.’”

Lara Jean’s eyes were the size of saucers. Lucas fell out.

“Oh, sweetness.” He shook his head. “Do you really think a nothing kiss in 7th grade was the only reason Gen was a bitch to you for years?”

Chris pointed a Pocky stick at her. “Or could it possibly be that her boyfriend was always watching you?”

Lara Jean’s first thought was that it wasn’t a nothing kiss. Her second thought was GEN NOTICED??

“How am I so clueless about everything?” She sounded almost defeated.

“We ask ourselves that question all the time.”

Lucas threw Chris a look, realizing Lara Jean sounded upset with herself. “Because you like things uncomplicated and tidy.”

“Except your room. There’s gotta be some psychology there - your room being the recipient of all your pent up messiness or something.”

Lucas gave Chris another searing look. “Can we focus, Dr. Freud?”

“That would be Dr. Spielrein, the first female psychoanalyst who was nearly destroyed by the patriarchy.” Chris gave him a dismissive smile. 

Lucas blinked at her. “Anyway,” he rolled his eyes and neck back to Lara Jean, “You weren’t checking for anything more complicated than a romance novel and a cupcake recipe, LJ.”

“Why do you think PK was always so deferential to Gen, even when she was being a bitch?” Chris finally decided to be moderately serious. “Guilt.”

Lara Jean chewed on that for a minute. “So you’re saying Gen was a bully because Peter couldn’t keep his eyes to himself and he never intervened because he felt guilty for not keeping his eyes to himself.”

Chris shrugged. “Pretty much.”

“Well, that’s messed up,” Lara Jean muttered under her breath. She looked at her friends. “So the reason I got bullied was because of Peter?”

“You got bullied because my cousin is an insecure attention whore. She knows Peter doesn’t cheat, even if he was being a typically stupid teenage boy.”

Lucas touched Lara Jean’s knee “Teenage boys are stupid by definition. Add a girlfriend and a girl you can’t stop looking at and the stupid shoots to outer limits.”

Lara Jean chuckled despite herself.

Chris rested her chin on her knuckles, looking at Lara Jean. “It was obvious Kavinsky felt bad about it. Why do you think he was always coming up to us afterward making apologetic excuses for her? In his über stupid boy mind that made up for it.”

“Exactly.” Lucas held out his hands. “He was always trying to make Gen’s victims feel better rather than just telling her to knock it off. Dumb boy logic.”

“Still…” Lara Jean thought back to her encounters with Gen over the years. They were awful to be sure, but now Lara Jean wondered how she would react if her boyfriend paid too much attention to someone else.

“I feel sorry for Gen.” When her statement was met with silence, she looked up. Chris and Lucas were gaping at her.

Chris looked horrified. “Let’s not go that fucking far.”

Lucas touched her knee again. “LJ, she made your life miserable at times.”

“I know,” she acknowledged, “but Peter focuses all of his attention on me. Always. I’d be upset too if I had to share it.”

“Then she should have taken that shit out on Kavinsky not you.” Chris’s tone brooked no argument.

“You’re right. I guess knowing about her family and now Peter… it all seems more complicated than her just being mean.”

Lucas waved his hand at her. “Uh, Black gay teenage boy here.”

“Neglected child of rich hippies,” Chris said raising her hand. She gestured toward Lara Jean. “Child of maternal freak accident.”

“Everybody’s life is complicated, Lara Jean.” Lucas looked at her like he needed her to get it. “Gen was mean because she’s mean.” 

“Even if it was because of insecurity and a screwed up home life,” Chris allowed, “she should have been nicer. To everyone.”

Lara Jean mulled over everything. “I guess,” she accepted finally. “She seems to be over me and Peter. Maybe she’s turning over a new leaf.”

She looked at Lucas and Chris with a hopeful expression. They stared at her for a second, nodding and trying not to laugh.

Lucas reached over and took her hand. “We’ll go with that, you big-hearted, dewy-eyed ray of sunshine.”

Chris took her other hand. “Never change, precious shiny little gem.”

She snatched her hands away, crossing her arms. She scowled at them. That was all it took for them to launch into a laughing fit. Lara Jean tried to keep her expression stern, but the smile tickling at the corners of her mouth had other ideas.

“OK,” Chris wheezed, finally getting a hold of herself. “Let’s get back to Lara Jean having sex with Peter Kavinsky.”

Lucas looked at Lara Jean raising his eyebrows up and down.

“Or,” Lara Jean countered, jerking her head toward Chris “we can talk about all this new balance in Chris’s life.”

Lucas looked at Chris and nodded vigorously.

Chris slanted her eyes at him and leaned over, her elbows on her knees.

“Or we can talk about what Lucas is going to wear on his date,” she said with syrupy sweetness.

“Oooh,” Lara Jean squealed, bouncing up and down, clapping her hands. “Let’s do that! Let’s do that!”

Lucas gave Chris a death stare and she blew him a kiss. As Lara Jean started babbling on about options, Lucas shook his head and looked at the ceiling.

* * *

  
  
The first time Lara Jean heard the tapping, she ignored it. She had just gotten into bed, blankets folded around her just like she liked them. The only lights on were the fairy lights above her bed giving her room a diaphanous glow that allowed her to ignore what a mess it was. A book she contemplated starting was on her night stand and her phone was on the pillow next to her. Lucas had dropped her off a couple of hours ago just in time to have a late bite with her dad and to kiss him goodbye an hour later when he was called into the hospital for an emergency delivery.

It was now 11pm, late but not too late, a perfect time to read a chapter before closing her eyes. But first thing first, she picked up her phone to FaceTime Peter, having promised she would before she went to sleep and wanting to take his face with her into her dreams. Then she heard it again, tapping. She laid perfectly still trying to determine where the sound was coming from. She didn’t have to wonder long. The tapping started again, louder this time and clearly coming from her window. She smiled knowing there was only one possible explanation. 

Lara Jean padded over the window and pulled open the curtain to see Peter leaning down sideways, his face grinning through the glass. She laughed, shaking her head and immediately pulled the curtain closed. She stood there waiting, trying to stop the smile that was trying to take over her face. 

Tap-tap-tap. 

She pulled the curtain open slightly, peering at him. His bottom lip was sticking out and he was wearing his favorite expression of woe, the expression that usually got him what he wanted even from her. She let out a dramatic sigh making sure he could see how put out she was pretending to be. She pulled the curtain open completely and unlocked the latch. She pushed up the window, but before Peter could come through she leaned her forearms on the window sill blocking his entrance.

“What are you doing?” she asked, trying desperately to keep her smile under wraps. 

He crouched down so his face was in front of hers, looking more comfortable than someone standing on a roof in the middle of the night should. He shrugged. 

“I missed you.” He ran his fingers over the forearms blocking his way. 

“Is that right?” 

He nodded slowly, his fingers drawing patterns on her arms. “Your dad’s car is gone.”

“He had to go to the hospital about an hour ago for an emergency,” she answered matter-of-factly, trying to ignore the warmth his fingers were spreading through her arms.

He nodded again. “And Kitty had an away swim meet, right?”

“Tomorrow. Since the team is leaving early in the morning, she spent the night with one of her teammates.”

“Huh,” he uttered, his fingers massaging her elbows.

“I’ll be sure to tell them you stopped by,” she said pleasantly.

He lifted his chin at her, his teeth finding his bottom lip. He leaned forward close to her face and rubbed his nose against hers.

“I was actually hoping for a goodnight kiss,” he murmured, drawing back just enough to look her in the eye.

“Oh yeah, what’s in it for me?” she asked defiantly.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He grinned at her again.

“Well, the kissing, I would think, but as extra incentive…” He reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out a bag of her favorite mixed gummy candy. 

Her face lit up with a big smile as she snatched the bag away from him. He chuckled and watched her patiently as she continued to mull over whether or not to let him in. She considered him for a second longer before deciding.

“OK,” she agreed, moving out of his way. She watched him clamber in with some difficulty but surprisingly little sound.

“You’re a tough negotiator,” he said from inside the sweatshirt he was pulling off.

“A girl has to look out for herself.” She walked over to her vanity, setting the bag of candy down carefully like it was some missing piece of a carefully constructed tableau.

“I thought that was my job.”

She turned and watched as he set his shoes under the window and closed it.

“You always have ulterior motives.”

He turned around to face her, his smile playful. “I assure you my motives are completely charita...” He stopped mid-sentence as he took her in for the first time. His eyes grew so big they looked like they were running out of room on his face.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he wailed, sinking down to his knees. “Are you really some murderous demon disguised as an angel?”

She let out a surprised laugh. “What are you talking about? What are you doing?” 

He gestured frantically at her with both hands. She slowly looked behind her, before turning back to Peter in confusion. He gestured again and this time she looked down and realized he was motioning to her shirt. Well, his shirt. His long-sleeve sophomore lax t-shirt that she managed to steal from his room and that fit her like a cute mini-dress. 

She looked back at him and gave him a saucy smile. “You looking at this?” She tugged at the bottom of the shirt with both hands. He sat back on his heels and groaned in misery.

She laughed quietly and walked over to him. She ran her fingers around the shell of his ear as he looked up at her obediently.

“Were you going to sleep in this?” She nodded, running her finger down the slope of his nose. “Why are you always trying to kill me?” he demanded, those beseeching eyes making her weak. She gave him a secret smile before holding out her hands. She helped him up, then pulled him toward her bed.“Why does me in this shirt turn you on so much?” she asked, pushing him down on the edge of the bed and standing between his legs.

”I’m a jock, Covey,” he said, taking her hands. “There are two things a jock loves - sports and hot women in our jerseys.”

A teeny tiny piece of her that remained tucked away briefly wondered if Gen wore his jerseys. But just as quickly she asked herself if it would change how it felt when he looked at her. She immediately knew the answer.

“Well, lucky for you this is a t-shirt,” she teased.

“I make no such distinctions.” He pulled her closer. “How are Chris and Lucas?”

“Do you really care?”

“Not at all,” he grinned.

She twisted her mouth to the side and settled her hands on his shoulders. Her hands moved across his skin at the neck of his shirt, fingers playing at his collarbone. “Did you get any studying done?” 

“Not a bit,” he looked up at her still grinning. “Too distracted.”

“What am I gonna do with you?” she smiled back.

“I think you know the answer to that question, Covey.” His smile slid into something sly.

“The way I see it,” she said, her hands rubbing circles at the tops of his arms. “If I were to give you a little action, you would still be distracted tomorrow thinking about it. So we have a bit of a conundrum.”

“You and your sexy words.” He tried to tug her even closer, but she didn’t move.

“I know I’m being a nag about school,” she said, her smile becoming pensive. “but don’t you worry about losing your spot on the team if you don’t keep your grades up? And what about scholarships?”

He watched her expression edge into serious and he sighed.

“I know. And you’re right,” he said quietly, face settling. “I need to get it together. I’m just consumed by you right now. You’re all I can think about.”

“You’re all I think about too,” she admitted, “but Peter we’ve talked about this. I know that your dad is unreliable.” 

He glanced away for a second. They usually only talked about his father when Peter brought him up. His mom owned the house and his dad paid generous child support, but he was always cagey about it. They didn’t know what he would do when Peter turned 18 and Peter didn’t know if he wanted anything from his dad at all. His mom’s store was more for passion than profit. There was some money set aside from before, but not enough for both Peter and Owen. Lara Jean knew all of this. If Peter didn’t want to be in debt forever, she knew getting a scholarship was important.

“I can’t make going to college hard for you.” She pulled his eyes back to her. “Your mom already doesn’t like me.”

“My mom likes you.”

Lara Jean tilted her head looking him directly in the eye.

“She does,” he assured, caressing the backs of her hands. “She likes you a lot. She just thinks we’re way too intense. It’s my fault. She saw how I was when we broke up. I wasn’t very good at hiding it.”

And there it was again. Another reminder of how hurt he had been, how hurt they had both been when they broke up. Peter’s mom was right. They were intense. Their relationship was a lot, so much for two people so young. The love was otherworldly. Lara Jean never knew happiness could be cellular, that love was metabolic, but the amount of pain they could also dump on each other… His mom saw it. That’s why her relationship with Lara Jean altered. His mom was being protective. Lara Jean never imagined she would be someone to be protected from.

“Lara Jean, don’t.” 

She didn’t realize she had drifted off. She focused on him and his eyes were grave. Lara Jean saw something she hadn’t seen in a while - worry. She furrowed her brow and shook her head to indicate it was nothing, but that only made his eyes more penetrative. Finally she looked down at the carpet. How did he always know?

“I was just taking it all in,” she said softly.

“Well, don’t take it in.” His voice was rough and urgent. “We’re the exact perfect amount of intense. She’s just being a mom.”

“I know,” she murmured, but her eyes were still on the ground. Peter lifted her chin to make her look at him. His face was rigid with emotion. 

“You need me to study more, I’ll do it. You need time to yourself, I’ll give it to you.” His eyes were grasping at hers. “But we promised each other no more of this. No more of you thinking about leaving my life.”

“I’m not.” He continued to watch her carefully. Lara Jean moved closer to him, her hands sliding to the back of his neck as his arms encircled her waist. Her hands moved up to hold his face.

“I’m not,” she said again. She looked at him in the same piercing way he was looking at her, until at last she felt him relax, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. Finally he nodded. She kissed his forehead then rested her own against it.

“But we have to do better,” she said, her thumbs drawing lines across his cheeks.

“We will.” 

Lara Jean kissed his forehead again. “Maybe we start going to the library right after school instead of straight to your house or my house.”

“Yeah,” he said excitedly, pulling back to look at her. It was the most enthusiastic Peter had ever sounded about going to the library. She smiled.

“I won’t touch you in the library.”

A raised eyebrow joined her smile. 

“OK,” he conceded, “I’m less likely to touch you in the library… as often.”

Her smile grew and he smiled back at her.

“I missed you.” Peter settled his chin between her breasts and looked up at her.

“It was one afternoon,” she smirked, running her hands over his hair.

“AND an evening. I’m used to getting my late afternoon Lara Jean pick-me-up.” One of his hands flattened against her back while the other skimmed across the ass he loved. “You know how i get when I don’t get my fix.”

“Horny enough to scale my house in the middle of the night?”

“Exactly.”

The air felt buoyant again and cheerful and she had gone much too long without kissing him. His hands moved to the back of her thighs, his fingers running lightly up and down her bare legs from her knees to just under the t-shirt. Lara Jean kissed one of his cheek bones, then the other. She kissed the tip of his nose and rolled his hair between her fingers gripping it then letting it go. He pulled back, even though she was tugging at his hair the way that drove him crazy. On its next pass, a hand moved up under the t-shirt, across her bottom and rested there. 

“Do you love me?” he asked, his eyes spellbound. Her skin was flawless and makeup free, only the slight shimmer of lip balm on her lips. Her hair was tousled, waves from the two braids now undone, framing her face. The fairy lights made her look ethereal, even more than usual. She smiled her sweet, pretty smile at him.

“More than anything,” she answered. She gripped his hair tighter. “Do you love me?”

He nodded, his eyes the shade of intense everyone noticed. “More than everything.”

That was it. One of her arms wrapped around his neck, while the hand of the other held tight to his hair. She kissed him. He moaned so low no one but her could have heard him, but it was so low it hit every part of her it meant to. He set his right hand behind him wrapping his left arm around her. In one movement, he lifted her into his lap and moved them further on to the bed. She was amazed how weightless she was to him. She loved how easily he moved her around. 

She kissed him again, but he pulled her back gently by the hair. He kissed her top lip, then her bottom lip as his hands gathered her hair, one holding it like a hair tie. She opened her mouth to him, but he only nibbled on her lower lip. When she tried to move her head to press her lips against his, he tightened his hand around her hair keeping her still. He licked the corner of her mouth before running his tongue along the bottom of her top lip and licking the other corner. She closed her eyes, groaning in frustration.

“You teased me all day,” he whispered in her ear. “Now hold still.”

She didn’t. She rolled her hips against his and he hissed. He grabbed her hip, stopping her movement, his other hand still tight around her hair. 

“Open your eyes.” 

Her eyes fluttered open. His eyes were already watching, waiting for hers. His eyes dug into hers before looking down at her mouth. He kept his eyes on her lips until they involuntarily parted and he heard her breath catch. His eyes finally lifted back to hers. 

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were today?” His eyes were probing. “You took my breath away.” 

He smiled at her. His gaze was transfixing and promised her so many things when she was ready for them. He released her hair and her hip and she let out a long-held breath on the sweetest sounding sigh. He took her hands, playing with her fingers. His gaze softened to just shy of concern, wanting to check in and make sure she was OK with what they were doing. She lunged for him, nearly knocking him backwards. He laughed and she quickly shushed him like they weren’t the only ones in the house. She pulled at the shirt he was wearing and he quickly pulled it off for her before she covered his lips with hers. His hand came up to cradle her face. It also prevented her from getting to the tongue she wanted. When she let out a soft whine, Peter smiled and kissed her gently. 

“Kiss me slow, Lara Jean,” he whispered against his lips. He pulled back and his eyes were dark and languorous and she wanted him so badly she itched with it. 

She draped her arms over his shoulders, one hand holding the back of his neck, the other flat against the back of his head pulling him down to her. Lara Jean pressed their lips together, her eyes still open holding his. She tilted her head and kissed him again. She tilted her head the other way and brushed her lips across his, her eyes never once leaving his lacquered stare. Her hands ran across his shoulders and down his arms loving the feel of his skin on her fingertips. She kissed his bottom lip before taking it between her teeth. His eyes flashed at hers when her teeth sunk into it. It was only after his breath hitched when she pulled his lip into her mouth that she let it go. 

His eyes remained on hers, breath heavy as his hands slipped up the back of her shirt. Lara Jean shivered when the cool air hit her and he pressed her closer. As his hands spread across her back, they stilled when he realized this was the first time he was touching her without her bra on. His hands slid across the expanse of soft unobstructed skin and Peter experienced the same dizziness he felt earlier in the day.

Her eyes followed her hands as they floated back up his arms and drifted across his chest. She would never get over him being hers to touch. This was her skin taut under her hands. These were her muscles flexing under the pads of her fingers.

Her eyes found his again as his hands encircled her waist. His pinkies tickled the dimples of her lower back as his thumbs brushed the underside of her breasts. She sighed and relaxed into his touch. His hands stilled again and his eyes searched hers. One of her hands caressed its way down to the waistband of his jeans, her nails scratching between the denim and his skin. She felt him jump, but his hands stayed still, waiting. Her other hand drew up to stroke his face. Her thumb passed across his bottom lip as her eyes answered his unspoken question, but to make sure he understood she nodded.

Peter’s hands moved up to cup her breasts and he let out a groan so low and deep, she felt it more than heard it. 

“Fuck,” he wheezed, already completely in love with the weight of her in his hands, the extra softness of the skin, the feel of her nipple pressing into his palm. 

She wanted to let her head fall back, close her eyes and give over to the feeling of his hands holding her, his fingers tickling across her nipples, but he was still watching her. She ran her thumb back across his bottom lip. Her thumb pulled down on it and his mouth opened. She felt the roll of her nipple between his fingers as her lips pressed against his mouth to give him the slow kiss he asked for. She tasted the tongue she’d been craving and finally closed her eyes.

They stayed like that for a long time, she in his lap, his hands languidly moving under her shirt while her tongue slowly explored the cavern of his mouth.

Peter’s hands were in constant motion wanting to learn every way he could touch her. He listened for changes in her breathing and for the delicious sounds she would make that were halfway between a sigh and a moan. He used his whole hand, the palm, his fingertips and his nails. He even used the backs of his fingers to caress the soft skin before snagging a nipple between two of the fingers and torturing it with his thumb. The noise she made when he did it supplanted any other sound she’d ever made that got him hot. 

When her kisses became frantic he would stop and gently cup her until she calmed down. Then his hands would move and it would start all over again. 

Lara Jean felt like she was drowning in sensation. The taste of his mouth, the feel of his fingers and the humming noise he made like he loved what he was doing to her. It was staggering. When he started playing with the bottom of her shirt, it became overwhelming. She pulled back. 

“I want to leave on what I have on,” she said abruptly, referring to her t-shirt and panties. She looked down and curled into herself away from him.

It took Peter a second to shake off the daze from the spell she’d put on him, but almost immediately he moved his hands outside her shirt to her back. He rubbed gentle circles to soothe her. 

“OK, of course. You decide. Always.”

She looked up at him and his eyes were concerned, but he still had a hint of a smile. He looked content, like he was happy to be there with her no matter what they were doing. 

“Is it too much?” Peter asked cupping her face with a hand so big his fingers ran the length of her face while his palm cradled her chin. “Do you want to stop?” 

She knew he would in a second. He looked at her with such concern, his desire for her banked behind those perfect eyes. She loved him and she didn’t want him to leave her just yet. She didn’t want to stop touching him just yet.

She shook her head and smiled at him and he smiled back. He didn’t make a move toward her, only continued to rub circles on her back.

“What do you want, Lara Jean?” He asked finally, eyes warm and loving.

“I don’t know,” she answered too quickly, the question making her feel panicky for some reason.

Peter read the anxiety and pulled her in closer. One hand continued its rhythmic circles on her back the other continued to stroke her face. His eyes roped hers. 

“Use me to figure it out.”

Her eyes widened looking at him. She would have suspected what he said was a come-on except the look on his face was so earnest. It turned him on to say it, she could tell, but he also genuinely wanted to help. Could she do that? Was it really that simple?

Lara Jean moved off his lap and he frowned.

“Take off your jeans.”

The frown disappeared. He cocked his head. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “JUST the jeans,” she said holding up her hands to be clear. 

He gave her a grin, nodding back. He stood up, his hands going to the front of his jeans. He took them off neither fast or slow, but kept his eyes on her the whole time. When he kicked them off leaving him only in boxer briefs, she looked away from his eyes to take in years of training, conditioning and active sports. She may have gasped. She saw him without his shirt on all the time, but this was something different. He was chiseled everywhere. How was that even possible? She rolled her eyes. 

“Are you even real?” she asked, hands on her hips.

He winked at her. “You like what you see?”

“Um, pretty much.” 

He laughed quietly and walked back to where she was kneeling on the bed. He looked down at her, fingers finding her cheek again. 

“What now?”

She laid her hand against the hand cradling her face. “Lie on the bed.” 

He kissed her forehead before following instructions. She crawled on top of him on all fours, her knees against his waist, her hands planted on either side of his head. When her hair fell around them and on to his arms, he sighed and whispered, “heaven.” The fairy lights pierced through the cascade of her hair in sporadic beams. She was so beautiful above him, her hair enclosing them in their own little world. 

“It’s like we’re in a far away land,” she whispered as if they were hiding and she didn’t want them to get caught. She was smiling and her eyes were shining. He couldn’t help grinning back. 

“Coveyland,” he whispered.

She giggled, smiling brighter. “Where cookies and cakes are delivered daily to every house.”

“And there’s never any homework,” Peter added, his hands finding her waist.

“And there are big screens everywhere playing old romantic movies.”

“And there‘s a year round carnival in the center of the main town.” He gave her a knowing look and she confirmed her understanding with her eyes. 

“And no one ever leaves. Everyone stays,” she said. Her eyes were gentle and thoughtful and he couldn’t help pulling her down until she was flat against him. Her elbows were now next to his head, his lips inches from hers.

“Everyone stays,” he murmured against her lips. Her body melted against him as she kissed him, his soft lips pulling at hers. She pulled back after a few seconds and pushed back up on her hands and knees again much to his annoyance.

“Come back,” he pouted, hands running up and down her sides.

“Close your eyes,” she said.

“Come back and lay on me.” His fingers twisted the ends of her hair. “I’m cold.”

“You’re not very good at doing what you're told,” she smirked down at him.

He laughed and laid his arms on the bed. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly and closed his eyes.

Nothing happened for a moment, then he felt the silky strands of her hair move across his face. Then he felt them move back across as if she were shaking her head slowly. He breathed in deeply, the smell of coconut layered with her own tasty scent.

“Covey…”

“Shhh… no peeking.” 

His hands clenched the blankets as the hair followed her down his body. It spread across his neck and shoulders as she kissed his chest. He made soft guttural sounds she had never heard before, that made her want to do anything to keep hearing it. She moved lower kissing the right side of his waist, her hair moving like silk threads down his right arm and the right side of his body. His breathing got heavier and hitched all together when she kissed his right hip just above his briefs. She kissed along the waistband to his left hip, her hair sweeping across his chest and stomach with the movement of her head.

“Lara Jean,” he rasped.

Her hair moved in waves up his left side.

It flowed over his left arm when she kissed the inside of his elbow. It streamed over his left shoulder until her hair had enclosed them again, her face back above his. He was still breathing erratically, bedding still clenched in his hands.

“You can open your eyes now,” she said so quietly it was barely a whisper. His eyes drifted open as his hands relaxed. There was that gorgeous face. Her eyes studied him as her teeth worried her bottom lip.

“Was that OK?” she asked, a slight reticence in her voice.

His eyes widened. He was so stunned he couldn’t do anything, but laugh. Her eyebrows drew together in confusion. 

“Would you like to feel how OK it was?” His voice was gruff, his breathing still labored. Even in the obstructed light he could tell she blushed. His hand came up to touch the face he loved.

“It was spectacular.” He looked at her with complete admiration and she gave him a big smile. 

“You’re spectacular,” he said, his eyes reverent. 

No, she thought. Nothing felt better than the way he looked at her. Her body melded to his and she kissed him. His arms wrapped around her tightly and he met her kiss with hunger and need. He wanted to stay like this, her body pliant against his, her lips soft and tongue sweet, but she had other plans.

She sat up pulling him with her. She pushed at his legs until they folded Indian-style and sat down in his lap wrapping her legs around him. He was hard beneath her and they both groaned at the contact, so different than through their jeans. She moved lazily against him turning his exhales into pushes of breath, the sound deep and delicious. 

“Kiss me and touch me like you did before,” she murmured, slipping her fingers into his hair and pulling his face down to hers.

“Gladly.” He licked at her lips before sealing his own to hers. 

He did what she asked, his hands and fingers working at her breasts as his tongue explored the recesses of her mouth. She moved against him at the same slow rhythm, the tingling between her legs radiating through her core. They stayed at that leisurely pace as long as they could before the need craved more friction and deeper kisses. The little mewling sounds she made drove him out of his mind as his fingers became more punishing, the kisses bruising and their movements more frantic. The feel of her against his lips, his hands and his cock was almost more than he could bear. He felt her hands clutch his shoulders as she ripped her lips away from his. 

“Peter,” she whimpered, her eyes desperate. He wove his fingers through her hair cradling the back off her head. 

“I’m right here, I promise.” He kissed her again, the sounds she made as she broke apart vibrating against his lips. True to his word, he was right with her.

* * *

She was surprised to see him dressed when she opened her eyes. It was still dark out, not even a peak of sun on the horizon. The first time the alarm went off, he shut-it off so quickly, it barely registered. She had snuggled deeper into his arms and drifted off again. It must have gone off a second (or third) time because he was now fully dressed standing at her desk writing something, it looked like, on a piece of paper.

“So you just use me and sneak off into the night,” she startled him, her voice deepened from sleep. He let out a little laugh that sounded more like a grunt, turning his sleepy eyes to her.

“I think we need to clarify who used whom,” he said, his own voice rough-hewn. He walked over to her side of the bed and knelt down beside it. His hair was tousled, curls everywhere. His eyes were drowsy and there was a hint of a smile on his lips. He had never looked more warm and inviting and she desperately wanted him to get back in her bed. She reached out, her fingertips smoothing along his eyebrow. He closed his eyes as they floated over his lashes. 

“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered. She heard a soft groan come from his chest. His hand wrapped around hers bringing her fingers down to his lips, his tranquil brown eyes opening to hers again.

“You have no idea how much I want to stay,” he lamented, his breath tickling her fingers. 

He kissed her fingers, then the back of her hand. He turned it over kissing her open palm and her wrist. She reached out her other hand to lay against his cheek and drew him down to her lips. He brushed his lips across hers so delicately it was like a hint of a kiss. She pulled him by the front of his sweatshirt and pressed her lips more firmly to his. She heard that soft groan again. He pulled back reluctantly. Her beautiful sleepy face now grumpy because he stopped kissing her was going to kill him dead.

“I have to go, angel face,” he lulled her. “Your dad could be back any minute. If I ever want to be alone with you again like last night, we can’t get caught.” He kissed her nose. “And I desperately want to be with you again like that.” This seemed to pacify her. Her frown melted into a serene smile and yeah, he had to get out of there or he was never going to leave her. 

He kissed her lightly again before standing up and moving to the window. He didn’t hear her get up as he bent over to slip on his shoes, but when he stood up straight he felt her arms wrap around him from behind and her cheek press against his back. He exhaled a sigh of contentment. He turned around so her cheek was now against his chest and held her tight. He kissed the top of her head and she snuggled in close and he never wanted to let her go. She turned her face into his chest and kissed it. She felt his fingers slide up her neck and lift her chin to look at him. His face was solemn, his eyes posing a question, looking for the slightest sign of regret. She gave him that serene smile again in answer. 

“I’m happy,” she said simply. That was all he needed. He gave her his megawatt grin. His hands moved up her arms and over her shoulders before making a crèche for her face. 

“My life’s purpose,” he responded. He kissed her forehead then her nose before his mouth settled against hers. They dissolved into the kiss slowly tasting each other one last time. When he pulled away, she was looking at him with that dreamy expression he loved. 

His voice was light when he asked, “Do you know how much?”

She nodded, laying her hands against his. “Do you?” He nodded, eyes adoring. 

He let her go. He slipped a scrap of paper in her hand before climbing out the window.

“You can take the stairs you know,” she crossed her arms.

He scoffed, turning to her when he was back outside. “What kind of romantic hero do you take me for?”

She twisted her lips at him as she leaned out the window. “OK, Duckie.”

“Hey,” he narrowed his eyes, “Duckie’s a G. No guy named fucking Blane is gonna climb through your window.

She looked at him impressed. He smirked.

“Again, you make me watch the movies.”

He snuck another quick kiss against her giggling lips before climbing down quickly and gracefully the way only an athlete could. She opened the little piece of paper as he made his way down

_More than everything_

She looked down at him, pressing the slip of paper over her heart. He walked backwards looking up at her with a goofy smile on his face. He gave her a corny crossed arms and finger point. She giggled again, rolling her eyes. She didn’t close the window until he was well out of sight.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am overwhelmed by the reception this story received. I love and I am grateful for every comment. I had no intentions of writing a second chapter, but this sequel pretty much wrote itself. Let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a thing I started writing after the first movie. I couldn’t wrap my brain around a girl that looked like movie verse Lara Jean thinking she went unnoticed. I got this idea and it sprawled into a lot more. There are book and movie elements and what was in my head. This is my first finished fic since middle school (really). Hopefully I’ve improved. 😆 Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Much love to Queenie_004 for urging me to finish, urging me to post and being an amazing champion.


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